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posted by lucy09
25 February 2009

I can't accept it - I can't imagine life without Dad

Last reply: 20 December 2011 00:56
My dad is dying of tongue cancer and it's horrible to watch. I've seen an independent, intelligent, kind, caring, happy and strong man crumble to someone to a frail and distant version of himself. Dad had a wonderful life and had an extremely was an extremely successful chef and entrepreneur. A man who's life revolved around food now has to rely on a tube for nourishment. A man who enjoyed going for country walks and rambles with his children and the dog can now walk little further than to the front door and it kills me. He is the kindest most genuine human being I have ever met and has the biggest heart in the world for both humans and animals. I have always admired him and grown up so close to him. He was my rock and now the closest person in the world to me is dying. I can't accept it and I don't know how to deal with it. I find I just can't open up to my friends or family properly. I can't open up to anyone. The worst part is that I seem to be removing myself from Dad. I try and get out of the house every evening or go up to my room and on the weekends I make sure I have plans to go out so as not to be at home. It's like I'm pushing myself away from him but I don't know why. This time is precious and I do know that I have little time with him but I think it's almost a coping mechanism or something. I love my Dad so so much and I know he wants me around more. I find myself snappy at times and at other times just convulsively crying in my room. I live at home with my Dad and my mum but I don't, nor have I ever gotten on so well with my mum. We fight all the time and I can barely stand to be in the same room with her for a period of time. What makes me hate her so much I think is that she treats Dad like a patient - she's a nurse! She coddles him and is often uses condescending gestures and words to him and he hates it, especially as such a formerly independent and proud man. But he feels he owes it to her for her care and is too weak for an argument over it. My half-sister, whom i love dearly is a doctor but my mother will not listen to anything she has to say. My mother, being a nurse thinks she knows best. However, she managed to miss a near-fatal infection dad had a few months ago that was only brought to the fore when my sister came home after I rang her to say Dad was terrible. I don't know if anyone will read this or indeed understand my situation but it would be nice to know that someone might be listening. I think I really need someone professional to talk to but I can't afford it myself and I don't want to ask my mother for the money. I'm afraid of how im pushing dad away and I just don't know how I will cope when i loose him. The thought of him dying makes me feel that my life is not worth living once he's gone. I can't cope.
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posted by RuBoJu
24 January 2013

6 week wait for Breast Clinic. I'm slightly freaked out!

Last reply: 27 March 2013 16:31
Hello! I've been lurking on this site for a little while now and have read a lot of your incredible stories and battles. What brave women you all are. This month has been a bit crazy, as I'm in the middle of a few different doctor assessments. One is for heart related problems I've been having, and the other is for a lump I found in my left breast about a month and a half ago. I gotta say, the heart thing hasn't been all that scary, but the lump issue has been my undoing. I'm 31 and a mother of two young children. I came across the hard lump myself about a month and half ago, but waited to see if it changed with my cycle. It didn't. So I casually mentioned it to the GP while I was having my 3 year cervical check done. They ordered blood tests for me (because of issues I'm having with my periods) and a referral for me to the Breast Clinic in Beaumont. I got the appointment today - but it's not until the 1st of March!! For the past week, I've had a lot of internal emotional highs and lows (one minute I've got myself dead and buried....the next minute "I'll be grand!") I've avoided telling anyone except my very nearest family so as not to make a big deal of it. But inside I feel a bit panicked. And I'm wondering how I'm gonna be able to push it out of my mind for another 5 weeks!! Did any of you have to wait that long? How did you manage to not go mad with the waiting game? Whatever the results are, I can deal with them. It's the not knowing that's driving me crazy!
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posted by WicklowLady
25 January 2013

Little setback

Last reply: 28 January 2013 20:20
I'm only home went to Blackrock with my friend. Well..... Jane is not happy with the margins and wants to go back in Monday week to take out another bit. I was disappointed but once I didn't have to have more chemo I didn't mind that much. I'm a bit confused and my husband was giving out and saying 'why did they not take it all when they were in there' . He didn't ask when we were in there though!!! She said there were small tumours left but still when I asked her would I be cancer free when she takes out the rest if the margin she said 'oh yes but technically I think you're cancer free now and we are taking the extra bit just to be sure it doesn't come back' still she mentioned tumours. I'm confused. I've left a message for the cancer nurse to ring me to ask her.
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posted by Ania
25 January 2013

Recon- abandoned half way through ;(

Last reply: 05 February 2013 20:33
Hi girls I'm desperate for advice. Had a double mastectomy end of Nov, had expanders put in to stretch out the skin to be replaced with implants at a later date. I found the expanders extremely uncomfortable so had to reduce the volume he put in last week. Due for another expansion tomorrow and he called this evening to say that radiation has to start in a few weeks and he won't be finished in time, (ie to put in the volume they removed in surgery). So even though he is only half way through he has to quit. Radiation is pushing this "guidelines" crap (rads have to start 12 wks after surgery) and cosmetics has to come second. But I really can't stop half way through, I really need plastics to finish before rads can start. I am absolutely deviated. I need to push radiation back, I need mores time. Anyone else ever come up against the different departments before and gone against guidelines? I feel like they are always working against me..no one is on my side. Cosmetics are important too what difference will a few weeks really make????? Really?
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posted by Neadi
25 January 2013

Hair today gone tomorrow

Last reply: 27 January 2013 21:01
Hair gone!!! Went and got it shaved, but was brave and at least its done...
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posted by Gtlheart
26 January 2013

Thought I was going crazy .....Tamoxifen and fog brain

Last reply: 28 January 2013 15:29
Hi am on tamoxifen now nearly 5 months and side effects getting worse . I really thought I was losing it, forgetting simple things , even every day words .just could not think what items were called. Repeating full sentences 10 min later forgetting I had just said the exact thing. Along with terrible joint pain and hot flushes every 1 1/2 hours during the night. No sleep at all unless I take a sleeping tablet. Went for first check up today and yes memory fog is a side effect in 1%. Lucky me !!!!! They now decided to get me to stop the tamoxifen or 3 weeks to clear my system and see if any or all side effects go. Then start back on half a tablet for 2months then the full tablet. Also only a few still have boob pain after lumpectomy and guess again who the lucky girl is. They did a mammogram also and it seemed fine, but the pain ,because boob still tender was unreal. Still results good, except for side effects. Must go back in 6 months for checkup. Also did you know in order to get eyes lasered you have to be on tamoxifen for a year and finished rads for 6 months. never ending.
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posted by deefed
26 January 2013

Good news from me girls

Last reply: 29 January 2013 22:59
Hi Girls Five chemo treatments under my belt so far AC x 4 and Taxol by 1. Monday I did an MRI and Wednesday did Mamo and Ultrasound. Met surgeon yesterday and he was pleased with my progress he said there had been a partial response to the chemo which is the best they hoped for there are four responses a) it gets bigger b) it stays the same c) partial response and d) full response - we had never expected a full response. He seemed really positive and he said that after my Mascetomy in April that I would be Cancer Free and I made him repeat it twice;-) I was sort of really shocked when he said - not sure what I was expecting as that was always the goal. Was fecking delighted. He was nearly thinking of cancelling the next three chemos but Onc said she was "very happy" with my progress and that we should continue on with it - I too think I should continue as found in the last three weeks I can actually feel it shrinking myself. We discussed immediate recon (which I really want) he said he would be happy to go ahead with that but have to see the plastics doc to see if she agrees with it. I am a big boobed girl at around DD/E cup he said that recon would prob only go to a C cup so other one would have to be reduced (dont have a problem with that). So all in all girls great day, chemo working, tumour shrinking and possible immediate recon and of course CANCER FREE in April.....even the nurse repeated it - I thought to be honest it was quite a big statment for them to make?? Wanted to share my news with you all as you have all been great its great we have each other on here. I hope we get more good news from other girls as well - we need good news on here to keep us all soldiering on. Going to a Fancy Dress tonight as Sinead O'Connor as a priest - woohoo and I am sure gonna celebrate and have loads of drinks
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posted by youngk
26 January 2013

going without my wig!! but what about the eyebrows?

Last reply: 25 February 2013 15:28
I finally decided this is the day! Unlike many of you I have worn my wig constantly since I lost my hair. I always had long hair and just didn't feel like me without it! (didn't really feel like me with it either) 10 months since chemo and I have about 2" of wavy, fine hair. It's not what I had but the wig is getting uncomfortable and I am afraid it will slip off as it does not sit well over hair! I am going to a friends 40th tonight in vintage dress (1920's) so the short hair looks the part! I have a friend coming to draw eyebrows for me as these still haven't re-grown, and I cannot do them with my glasses on and cannot see to do them with the glasses off! Has anyone else suffered eyebrow loss? any tips? I have heard they can be tatooed on, has anyone tried?
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posted by macci
28 January 2013

tamoxifen and non existent libido

Last reply: 05 February 2013 00:06
This is a hard topic to write or talk about, but is a really live wire issue on US and UK breast cancer support sites. Since treatment for breast cancer my desire for intimacy dropped dramatically, but with tamoxifen on top it is now non existent. I've been on tamoxifen for 2 years now and my Onc has told me he wants me to stay on it for 10 years. I have brought up my complete loss of libido at every check up and he has at least acknowledged that tamoxifen can do this, but as to what can be done or any other help is as non existent as my libido I know I had some problems with body image after the mastectomy, but that has improved and what would help now would be some interest in sex. I am a young fit 52 year old and was pre menopausal before the cancer diagnosis 2 1/2 years ago. I've lost 2 stone since then, and have worked hard to regain my health and fitness, but I reckon there is not a speck of oestrogen left in my body and parts of me are now aged 80!!! We are women and this is an integral part of who we are. We hear lots about 'holistic' approaches to recovery, well this is part of our whole being, but it has never been approached unless I've brought it up and then it gets brushed over with talk on lubricants blah blah. But the real issue is a complete and utter lack of desire. Has any one out there found any help for this issue? It's not about pain on intercourse (tho' that 's true too), or using lubricants, we never even get that far. Any help?
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posted by wilmaone
28 January 2013

Tamoxifen and bone/joint pain

Last reply: 04 February 2013 21:11
Hi well taste is on a good run at mo thankfully!now I have started to get (keeping me awake )bone pain straight down front thigh.i am assuming that is tamoxifen and all the lovely joys it brings to the party!!!had an MRI for back issues last wed still waiting on results so could be from back.wAlking up stairs is particularly sore and as a mother of 3 you can imagine the stair trips. So should I just put up with it see if it passes,or ring hospital and see if the have results of MRI .who do I ring thought my breast nurse or oncology who ordered it.am at a loss as to who I can ring now that I'm out. Thanks girls Xx
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