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Hi, Asking on behalf of my wife, who is strong and wonderful, but struggling with some aspects of this new world we have been thrown into. Has anyone any experience of distress when showering/bathing after a breast biopsy & diagnosis. Biopsy was two weeks ago and we now have a confirmed diagnosis. Managed to get one set of steristrips off last night but it is very distressing and upsetting and every time we are showering th emotional aspect of things is very difficult for her. Anything we can do? Or try? This seems like an amazing forum full of strong, inspirational people.

Hi everyone, My name is Ciara and my mum (52) was diagnosed with stomach cancer in June 2015. She was put straight onto chemo with the idea that the talk of surgery would be had further down the line. The oncologist we had at the time was very pro surgery which obviously made us feel like this Cancer was something that could be cured. However, 8 months down the line, and after countless rounds of chemo (which has kept the cancer stable) we have a new oncologist who has told us that we should have never been led to believe surgery was an option and that there is no actual cure for my mums cancer. She is going to be starting on a new antibody treatment which will hopefully keep it at bay, but we are left reeling. I don't know how long you can live with stomach/gastric cancer? Scared, confused and devastated all at the same time and I don't know what to do.

Hi, we got bad news reqarding my Father-in-laws cancer recently. Our only daughter (8 years old) is very-very close to him and he is coming home for palitive care ( his wife has passed also). Just hoping to get some advice or experience from others as to how to tell my daughter, should we tell sooner or later? Thanks in advance.

All for you Take my strength, lean on me. Use it to be as strong, as your fight needs to be. Take my smile, that I force upon my face. Made helpless by the fact, I have no way to take your place. Take my sense of humor, take as much as you can. Laughing at what life throws at you, is really your best plan. Lastly, take my love for you, take extra, and put it in your heart on a shelf. For the days that lie ahead when you can't gather the courage to love yourself. I love you.

i need advice, i dont know how to cope with my friends diagnosis, hes 22 with lung cancer, and wont tell anyone not his family even, he confided in me. i dont want to betray his trust but hes not coping hes trying to drink his troubles away. he wont talk about it, or tell me any real information without knowing anything i cant find out anything, i dont know his prognosis, how sick hes going to get, it its treatable, nothing.. im afraid the worst will happen and id have known and not told his family i cant cope with my grief and his, that sounds selfish but its true. please tell me what i should do...

My poor mam has terminal lung cancer and although the tumour has stablised, she is in awful awful pain and her pain relief is not working. She is at home on her own (she wont let me move in with her) and the doctors are not really doing anything to help other than prescribe the tablets. I am at my wits end because she can basically lead an normal life without the pain but is crippled with this. Does anyone know of what to do? Her next appointment with Lukes is in October but this is too far away. Please help or offer advice. Thank you.

I am looking for advice from people who have experience caring for a relative - about how feasible it is to start a full time course and look after my dad. My Dad has been diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer in both lungs. We have no details of the treatment options for him yet, but I need to make a decision regarding my college degree course that I am due to start this week. I am a mature student going back to university full time this week as the start of a complete career change, and I do not know whether to defer for a year. If his cancer is terminal I want to be in a position to spend as much time with my dad as possible, and as he lives a 4 hour drive from my home in Dublin I don't see how I could do that with a full time college course. If his cancer is treatable he will be based in Dublin and it could be more do-able. I have experience of helping look after my sister when she had (and sadly, died from) cancer last year. At that time I was working full time, and while I found it difficult to come home to be supportive of her after a days work sometime, I think I will find it more difficult to be a student in this situation because it requires alot of mental focus and energy, and it is not confined to a 9 to 5 time frame. My sister is not working and is available to help caring for him, but it is just the two of us. Neither of us have children and our own families yet, and If I was to defer I would be able to support myself. How do other families manage? Please share your experiences with me! Thank you so much

COPING WITH A TERMINALLY ILL PARENT-MY STORY Everyones experience in this situation will be different , I simply want to put my story out there so you know you are not alone in this and maybe give you some things to think about as you go through your experience. My mother Dorothy was diagnosed in May 2007.She had previously suffered from cancer around 10 years previous. I could not believe my ears, cancer again so many years later?It couldnt be true. But sadly it was and so followed what became and what will become for you reading this, a tough time ahead. Put simply thats what it is. Knowing what I know now because Ive gone through it in my own family and have come out the other side, there are things that Im proud of myself for and things I regret so Im am writing this so that you don’t have the same regrets as me. From the moment the oncologist speaks those feared words, you may find yourself go into automatic, which is what happened in my case. There was not much time to think about the finality of the situation or to get morbid about it-I automatically knew that it was all about making my mother happy and as comfortable as possible while we had her.Obviously there will be days when all you want to do is cry all day long and by all means, do. I always did this out of eye and earshot from my mother as seeing me cry would once again bring home the finality of it all. SPEND AS MUCH TIME AS YOU CAN WITH HIM/HER: Luckily my employers allowed me to decrese my hours so I was able to spend more time with her. I truly cherished every second with her. I would lie in bed beside her and even though, just talking about mundane things such as the local gossip, it filled a hole in the day for her and made me happy to think that even for just those few minutes, I was able to temporarily take her mind off her illness. Even when there was nothing to say, I just laid beside her and hugged her and held her hand and that bond is something Ill never forget.Those are the moments that I cherish now looking back. There was no need for words, she knew that I was there for her and I knew that she deeply appreciated my time for her. At the time, for myself personally, I tried to prepare myself for the inevitable by reading leaflets on dying and grieving etc. While these are all truly helpful, I think that a leaflet from the heart such as this may have helped me a bit more at the time as its personal.Afterall,I am just a normal 28 year old woman from a small rural part of Limerick with just my experience to base this on. MY ONLY REGRET: Even though I am so proud of myself for the way I coped with her illness at the time and I guess, for the way I am coping today, what I do regret is not finding out more about her while I could. And now that shes gone, there are 101 questions that I think of everyday that I would have loved to know about her. Like her life growing up, her first boyfriend, school, her wedding day, coping with four children and of course the big one-how she felt about her illness. While some terminally ill patients may have no trouble expressing their feelings and I admire them if they do, my mother was a quiet woman who never spoke of her illness and who never wanted to “burden” her children with any of her problems and I feel now that I should have encouraged her to speak more. I am so sorry for you reading this as I know what an intense and scary time it is for you and your family right now and most especially for your mother/father. Unfortunately in life, you have to deal with the cards you have been dealt and although cruel and unfair, right now is a good time to assess yourself, I bet already you are alot stronger than what you thought you were. You just dont know it yet. Please live for the moment right now with your mother/father. Hug him/her, kiss him/her,love him/her, help him/her, live for him/her. Take family photos,laugh together, cry together and never ever forget that you exist because of them. My thoughts are prayers are with you all. Sarah Dunne.

I lost my dear father last week to brain cancer. He only lived 10 months from diagnosis to death and it was a rollercoaster of a journey. I was by his side for the last two months as he went downhill rapidly over xmas and New Year. We were told then that he only had a few days but lasted until 4th March. It was a horrific journey at that point though and I was with him when he eventually passed away. I am finding it very tough. While he was ill, I just dealt with it and tried not to dwell on the inevitable outcome. His prognosis had always been poor. Now that he's gone, I'm reflecting on everything he went through and becoming increasingly distraught. I feel guilty that I couldn't do anything to help him. I even feel guilty about his death and wonder if I'd called the nurse earlier would he still be with us. I can't come to terms with any of it and feel I let him down.

Hi everyone. I have been reading this forum for a few months now, but didn't really have the courage to post. Its a pity there aren't more people here, as there must be so many of us out here with family going through this awful disease and it can be very hard to cope with. My dad has lung cancer. The treatment is really taking its toil on him. The family are devastated and trying to cope but its hard to know whats the right thing to say and do half the time. I wondered if there was anyone else out there going through the same. I feel upset alot, and very guilty. And helpless. It would be great to hear from anyone else who can understand. I don't want to go into anymore detail just yet. Thanks for reading.