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posted by Ohjustpeachy
16 March 2023

Supporting parents and trying to remain calm

Last reply: 21 March 2023 16:17
My Dad has been undergoing treatment for prostate cancer about 15 years. My Mam had a lumpectomy for breast cancer in Jun 2021. Mam has since been taking hormones after radiotherapy and is quite well. My Dad has just found out his cancer is now "advanced" and requires chemo to hopefully prevent further metastasis. Understandably they are both reeling from the news, but I am caught in the middle and find it utterly draining being mediator and loving daughter. My Mam rings me to rant daily, Dad is on lots of other meds and has become very confused - she is convinced he has dementia but he has refused tests for that. Mam has refused to join any support groups and despite repeatedly asking her to talk to a friend or join a group and being straight with her about how difficult it is to listen to her ranting about his latest infractions she cannot hear me. I'm posting here because I want to find out if others have experienced similar, seek assistance with how to remain the loving daughter while managing their affairs and how to stay calm and impartial. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
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posted by abc@@@@1234
01 March 2021

Oesophageal Cancer

Last reply: 02 March 2023 06:47
My Father is 67 years old and was diagnosed in December 2020 with Advanced Oesophageal Cancer, we are devastated, my family’s lives are in turmoil and my father is trying to come to terms with a death sentence. He could not avail of immunotherapy drugs that are known to help slow the growth of tumours as these drugs are not available to him for the type of cancer he has. What is wrong in this country? Why are we so behind? Why do we let people die without offering them the best possible help and care they need as these drugs could have helped prolong his life. Medical Cannabis is another drug that might have helped prolong his life but you have to meet a certain criteria to avail of Medical Cannabis as it states on mygov.ie, my Father has nothing to loose by trying any of these drugs but he can’t. My Father is not a number, he has a human right to access best possible care which should include medicine/drugs. As I’m typing this my father is dying in a hospital on his own and my family are helpless as we can’t help him. This is for my Dad xxx love you
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posted by ShaneK
04 February 2023

Family in denial

Last reply: 08 February 2023 16:09
Hello. My dad was recently diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. We have just been told that it is now terminal and his life expectancy is very short. This has come as a complete shock and my Dad and I have come to accept this diagnosis, however my sister has been in denial ever since. We also lost our mother when we were young to cancer and there is a lot of unresolved trauma so I understand why my sister is finding it so difficult to accept. My sister and I love our dad very much and we are a very close family. We our trying our best to care for him at home and keep him safe, however we are both doing this in different ways. I am trying to help my dad be as comfortable as possible and want to spend as much quality time with him as I can before he goes. I want to have the much needed and very difficult conversations with him to ensure we grant him all his wishes for whatever remaining time he has here. My sister is trying to wrap my dad up in a bubble and protect him in the hope that a miracle comes along and saves him. She is avoiding any difficult conversations and I feel my dad is scared to talk to her in fear of upsetting her. I'm worried that one day she will look back and realize she wasted all of her time with my dad clinging onto false hope instead of enjoying the time she has left with him. If she knows that I've spoken to my dad about death or end of life wishes she gets very angry thinking that I'm scaring my dad and making him loose hope on getting better. I understand she is scared and I have tried to talk to her but I think she is so far in denial the conversations may break us apart. I have never fought with my sister but we have had a couple of intense conversations the last two weeks. I worry for my Dad and I worry for my sister and I hope someone can give me advice on how to deal with this situation. I mostly want my Dad to know we will be okay and for him to be able to talk to us about his fears and what he wants for the remainder of his life
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posted by lByrne
26 November 2022

End of life care

Last reply: 30 November 2022 11:52
Looking for help with natural relief for numbness of limbs. Anyone have any suggestions for things that may help give my dad some relief (nothing too invasive) from the numbness in arms and legs during end of life care 💕 many thanks
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posted by mla77
31 October 2022

Last chemo session and extreme fatigue and weaknesa

Last reply: 12 November 2022 12:16
Hi all. My 75 year old Dad finished his last chemo session 2 weeks ago and has been completely wiped out by it. It’s been a rough few months for him, each session seemed a bit worse but this last one has left him extremely weak, barely able to walk, needing constant care and help with the basics. Is this normal? I’ve tried to research effects but can’t find anything that would be as bad as he is now. We have spoken to medical staff and they say to rest. Has anyone else had a similar situation and how long did it take to get back to some sort of independence??
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posted by martin1982
02 October 2022

Guy I care about pushing me away

Last reply: 24 October 2022 23:31
Hi all, Just reaching out for some help really. Long story short- guy I’ve known a long time has stomach cancer (recurring again, he had it before I knew him too). This summer gone by I felt myself growing close to him. We had just been friends for a few years. We went on a few dates. I could feel myself really falling for him big time. Was like I hadn’t seen what was in front of my eyes for a few years. Anyhow, I could suddenly feel him pull away from Me. Grow cold distant and put off any attempts to see me. It hurt. I eventually got it out of him that he was back on Chemo drugs and radiotherapy for the cancer. In his words “just a few dodgy cells”. He said he said he didn’t want to drag someone else into it all. I respect that and of course I kept in touch. Tried helping him out in little ways I could. Fast forward to this week. I tentatively asked him how the treatment had been going. He said not sure as the treatment hasn’t appeared to improve the situation with the cancer. All through text so I don’t have a full picture and again respectfully letting him tell me what he wants to tell rather than more pressure from me. Which he does not need. Only thing is I’ve been shattered all weekend worrying and thinking about him since those words. I realise this is not about me it’s about him and I want to continue the support. I can just tell from the tone and mood of the texts he is very down beat. He suggested he may not continue with the treatment. Which I have to say absolutely floored me. Had anyone any advice or experience of anything similar? Thanks for listening:) Martin
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posted by jackiecav
04 September 2022

Need help

Last reply: 05 September 2022 16:42
Hi my father has stomach cancer and we are not getting any support where do we go for help local doctor not helping and just keep referring us to A&E he is wasting away in front of us and we don’t know what to do he is in the VHI
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posted by mary elizabeth
11 August 2022

advice on products safe with chemo

Last reply: 16 August 2022 04:10
hi My mother in law was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer in the lining of her gallbladder. It is terminal but she is doing chemo for life extension. She was given a gift with some natural oils in it. She is on a really strong dose of chemo so is afraid to use it. Can anybody advise on this matter? it has 100% natural corriander seed and grapefruit in it. there is lavander, sunflower oil, watermelon, lemongrass, cedarwood and almond oil in it. the second product is sage and cedarwood. They are oils and pillow spray.
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posted by tinytrina
16 February 2022

Partner has burning sensation in throat

Last reply: 22 February 2022 11:55
My partner has stage 4 neck and throat cancer diagnosed last year he under went surgery to remove parts off his tongue and then 6 weeks off radiotherapy and chemotherapy, he has constant burning sensation in his throat and while doctors are offering him pain relief it’s not really helping the burning , is there anything that will help, I’ve tried smoothies etc and went through his diet etc but feel nothing seems to be working , he finds it hard to eat and is losing weight again which is something I don’t want.
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posted by SHING
06 February 2022

Wheelchair

Last reply: 09 February 2022 14:18
Hello, My father has stage 4 gliosarcoma and along with his communication skills deteriorating, the cancer is affecting his ability to move about safely (he gets confused as to how to sit from standing and struggles now to walk more than a metre or two independently. He is an amputee (one leg below know) and he has gotten around fine until now with prosthetic, crutches and using stair lift at home. I wonder if anyone knows of a resource to access a foldable wheelchair so we can help him when he needs to go to the car and from the car to another building, but also so we can talk him out for air. We are in Dublin City. Any advice greatly appreciated. Thanks!
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