posted by ShaneK
04 February 2023
Family in denial
Last reply:
08 February 2023 16:09
Hello. My dad was recently diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. We have just been told that it is now terminal and his life expectancy is very short. This has come as a complete shock and my Dad and I have come to accept this diagnosis, however my sister has been in denial ever since. We also lost our mother when we were young to cancer and there is a lot of unresolved trauma so I understand why my sister is finding it so difficult to accept. My sister and I love our dad very much and we are a very close family. We our trying our best to care for him at home and keep him safe, however we are both doing this in different ways. I am trying to help my dad be as comfortable as possible and want to spend as much quality time with him as I can before he goes. I want to have the much needed and very difficult conversations with him to ensure we grant him all his wishes for whatever remaining time he has here. My sister is trying to wrap my dad up in a bubble and protect him in the hope that a miracle comes along and saves him. She is avoiding any difficult conversations and I feel my dad is scared to talk to her in fear of upsetting her. I'm worried that one day she will look back and realize she wasted all of her time with my dad clinging onto false hope instead of enjoying the time she has left with him. If she knows that I've spoken to my dad about death or end of life wishes she gets very angry thinking that I'm scaring my dad and making him loose hope on getting better. I understand she is scared and I have tried to talk to her but I think she is so far in denial the conversations may break us apart. I have never fought with my sister but we have had a couple of intense conversations the last two weeks. I worry for my Dad and I worry for my sister and I hope someone can give me advice on how to deal with this situation. I mostly want my Dad to know we will be okay and for him to be able to talk to us about his fears and what he wants for the remainder of his life
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