new thread for anyone who has lost a loved one

Hi Sarah, I'm going to try buy that book today online and hopefully it will help. I woke up today fighting with the world if you know what I mean. My Mam is in Fatima with my sister she will be home tomorrow and because I usually go down to her in the mornings for breakfast before work I have been lost the past week and have had to much time on my own to think. Its true what you've said to Trisha as I keep thinking this time last year and I suppose when it comes the 24th I won't be able to say that and I think maybe thats whats killing me as it will have been a whole year since I hugged him and gave him a kiss. I gonna finish now as having one of those moments. Take Care. Love Katie xxx

hi girls, its 4.30 in the morning and ive just awoke from yet another nightmare about dad. i wont go into details but it scared the livin daylights out of me. i probably wont sleep again for fear the dream returns worse. so, i thought the best thing to do was talk to someone who understands what im talking about. i think that by putting it down on paper [so to speak] i might be able to get it off my chest. i think ive been trying to bottle things up for fear of upsetting everyone and now its coming out when i sleep. i thought surely this wouldve stopped by now, but im slowly resigning myself to this occuring almost every night. you all must be fed up with me going on and on, so i will close for now [think ill just watch telly] but will be in touch soon. thanks for listening, your friend, trisha.

Hi Trisha
I'm so sorry that this has been happening to you, but what happened last year is still all very raw with us all. I have been doing the same bottling it up but usually it gets to the point that I either take it out on Joe ( which isn't fair) or for some reason when I close my eyes I can see my Dad and what he looked like after he died. Maybe you could benefit with some counseling, I know this seems extreme but Joes Mam has done this as she has been all over the place since Joes brother died last Christmas and she thinks it has helped to speak to someone that is not belonging to the family about her fears. I hope your feeling a little better this morning.Thinking of you. Take Care Love always Katie xxxx

Hi Trisha and Katie

Its terrible that ye are having a rough time of it. I know how you both feel and sometimes I think ye are the only ones that really understand. I have been having dreams as well since the anniversary, of my dad dying like it was his last few days are we are just all there waiting for it to happen its awful so Trisha I know what you are going through. I think people think because its a year later we should all be feeling much better by now but we all know its not the case. I think the anniversary has brought up a lot of memories that maybe we weren't thinking about before then. if I get upset I tend to read a bit of the book I bought and it helps a little bit.

Sarah

Hi Sarah.
Hope you are doing OK. I just wish it was the 24th and that would be the first Anniversary done. I can't believe it's been a year I don't know where time is going to lately. I miss my Dad so badly and it's true what you say about all the memories coming back it's so hard to block them out. Thinking of you Love Always Katie xx

hello girls, you dont know how much your replies have meant to me. i dont feel like some sort of weirdo anymore, knowing that you feel the same after a year. i think its another sleepless night for me again but ive got used to that.
i had a bombshell dropped on me this evening. my cousin phoned to tell me my aunt [mums sister] has throat cancer which is inoperable. i was absolutely useless to her as i cried my eyes out down the phone. to be honest, im worried what this news will do to mum.
katie, i know its getting closer to your dads anniversary. i will come here several times to check on that date so if you need to talk i will be here for you.
i will sign out for now, but thankyou again for your replies to me.
your friend, trisha.

Hi Trisha

I am so sorry to hear about your Aunt. But I know you will be there to help and support you mam. God I wish this month was over. Thinking of you. Love always Katie xx

katie, i hope you got through everything ok yesterday. im still checking in if you want to talk. just wanted to let you know i hadnt forgotten about your anniversary.
love
trisha

Hi Trisha, Many Thanks for your kind thoughts . Saturday was such a hard day in a way I am glad it is over . The mass went well the majority of Dads family and friends were there later on in the evening it all got too overwhelming for me and I broke down which started my mam , Brother and sisters off which I was very disappointed in myself for because I had sworn I wasn't going to let that happen.Had a quiet day yesterday just myself and Joe . Love Katie xxxx

hi katie, there was no need to feel dissapointed in yourself for breaking down, youre only human with emotions and feelings so you only did what is natural. i did the same at my dads anniversary and felt the same way as you, but i loved my dad and he was my best friend so i cried for the loss i felt...... not to upset anyone. im sure your family didnt think it was wrong of you, in fact they probably thought it a relief that they could open up too. im glad you got it all over at roughly the same time as sarah and myself, you guys have been such a comfort to me and i hope i have to you both as well.
i will go for now but let me know if you need a chat, cos as always i will be here.
your friend,
trisha

Hi Girls

Katie don't feel bad about breaking down its only natural I am sure you are glad the day is over with it is just horrible waiting for it and you are dreading it for weeks beforehand.
Trisha I ma so sorry yo hear about your aunt its terrible news and just a year after your dad as well life can be so unfair. I hope you and your mother are doing ok.
Chat to you both soon
Sarah

hi girls, i just wanted to check in and see how you are all keeping. it was my b/day a few weeks ago and i spent it in hospital with what i thought was a pulled muscle. i needed a chest x ray and was sent home only to recieve a letter from my gp telling me ive been called back to have another xray. they told me not to worry but ive been a heavy smoker for 30 years and im worried that its caught up with me. i really needed someone to talk to and i know you girls have been here for me through thick and thin, so who better to talk to? id been coughing up blood for a few weeks but thought i just had another chest infection. easy for docs to tell me not to worry, but its not easy after watching my dad go through what he did. im starting to think theres never gonna be any end of this, first dad then my aunt, then my sister phoned to tell me she had an abnormal smear twice and now this. i feel like im cracking up sometimes and i dont know what to do, im so scared. listen to me, moan, moan, moan. sorry, i will go for now. will let you all know whats happening as soon as i know anything.
your friend
trisha.

Hi Trisha

Sorry I haven't been checking in as much lately, so sorry to hear that you have been in hospital it must be awful for you. I know since my father died the thoughts of going inside a hospital door terrifies me. I know you must be sacred and its so easy to think that any pain or sickness you have is cancer. I hope you have the results back now and you are ok. I can't even begin to imagine how frightening this must be for you. Having watched your Dad go through something so terrible I don't think it ever really leaves you. I am afraid of doctors and hospitals now so I think you are really brave. Let me know how you get on. Thinking of you.

Sarah

I really have no idea why I am even writing this other than in the hope that if it makes one person pick up the phone and ring their parents I suppose it will have made some small difference...

My Dad had cancer of his bladder 3 years ago. He had surgery and his bladder removed and was given the all clear without the need for any further treatment.

Then for the last year and a half he had been losing weight and in a lot of pain and obviously very sick, he was in and out of hospital with all test results coming back clear. Finally in August they found he had cancer in his lungs and liver but there was nothing they could do...

We originally thought he had months left but he went very quickly in the end and passed away on 3rd November.

Mostly I feel numb. (With the odd bit of anger and wanting to shout at people who have the nerve to carry on as normal, "do you not know my dad is gone?" thrown in...)

It's been a month...is this denial surely it's sunk in by now? I feel like I'm on auto-pilot going to work each day, going through the motions, because that's what you do, life goes on and that's what my Dad would have wanted...
I know that everyone says that time is a great healer and while I know it is, right now that is of no comfort at all.

I have been so lucky to have had a wonderful Dad who was very much a part of my life. I guess what I am saying is cherish your loved ones. The people we love in this world are gone from us all too soon.

When it became too hard for him to live on, the pain that was the greatest for him was never his own, but rather the pain that he saw in us so I'm gonna try my best to do everything in my power to carry-on with the same strength, courage, and dignity he displayed.

We don't say goodbye, we say see ya later...

Hi,
First off,thank you for starting this,its some consolation(even though horrible)to know that there are others out there going through this grieving process.
I lost my mother in May 09,almost 7 months ago.I still cant believe that she is gone,even though she was ill for two and a half years and we knew it was terminal,I still cant understand how we got to this point.
I was very close to my mom,she was my best friend.What upsets me is,I find it hard to remember her when she was in good health and "normal",I really have to struggle to think of an evening or a time with her when we were all happy.Does anybody else find this?I can only remember the horrible times when she fell or when she looked so weak and this makes me so sad.Im hoping that eventually,all my good memories of her will come flooding back to me but until then,I wait with baited breath..

hi to all our new posters. i started this thread as id found some lovely friends here who had shared their stories of cancer with me and even when we lost our loved ones i wanted to keep the friendship with them, so i thought of this thread. im glad youve decided to join us as well although i wish it wasnt for the reason you did. we all understand how you feel as weve all been where you are. its only a short time since you lost a parent so everything you are feeling now is normal. its been 15 months since my dad died and there isnt a day passes that i dont cry over him. he was my best friend as well as my dad and i still miss him like it was only yesterday he passed.
please continue to post here, it really does help knowing you arent alone. it may take a few days before you hear from anyone but you will always get a reply.
your friend,
trisha

Hello to the new posters, like Trisha I too lost my Dad around the same time to cancer and its terrible. I found comfort here knowing there were people here who were going through the same thing and it helped me so much. We are all at different stages of grieving for our parents so hopefully we can help each other. The first year is the hardest you feel so much loss and anger at what happened. It's now over a year since my dad died and although I still feel his loss every day and always will do I suppose you begin to learn to live with it somehow and its makes its a bit easier to bear. I know with Christmas coming up it will be hard for all of us some of you it will be your first Christmas, Trisha, Katie and I it will be the 2nd Christmas without our dads so I will be thinking of all of you at this time.

hi there ladies and guys ! I lost my husband Stephen Sept 17 th 2007...its been a hard time as you can imagine.He had bladder cancer which spread to his pelvic bone and lungs and he was just 51 yrs when he passed away.We were 27 yrs maddied and have 7 kids...eldest 29 yrs and youngest 6 yrs now.I am 50 yrs since last May.The 1 st year it seemed we were all numb...but this year we hurt so much...I agree with people who find the 2nd year harder.
Another Christmas has come and gone and I feel enough is enough...he should come home now !!! I just wanted to get over this Christmas...but find I can be honest with my close friends but have to carry on a bit of a show for the kids as they need to live and enjoy stuff like Christmas..
Thanks for starting the thread...a great idea...

hi stars777, its nice youve decided to join us here to remember the loved one youve lost. thats why i started this thread, so we all have someone to talk to and a shoulder if its needed. sorry its taken so long for someone to get back to you, we are usually pretty quick at replies but with christmas and the new year im only just getting caught up with things now. i read some of your other threads and i really feel for you. your husband was so young. i hope with the help of people here you will start to get back some normality of your life. i lost my dad almost 16 months ago and this site has been great help to me. everyone ive spoken to here has similar stories so ive never felt alone or that no-one cared. its awful you were left alone with a young family, i hope you have some family support to help you, i know how hard it is bringing up kids alone, i was a single mum since my children were both toddlers and its very difficult. please contact us here again if you want to chat, theres always someone to answer but it might take a few days. i dont know that the second year is worse, i think maybe we just notice things more during the holidays. we miss the fact that our loved ones arent here with us. as you say, its hard to make things as normal as possible for the sake of the kiddies. i think you must be a great mum to try keeping it together for your children. i almost gave up on life when i lost dad. he was my best friend and i miss him so much, but we have to go on, but at least we arent alone with this site, so you just keep on posting here as often as you need to and know there are people here who genuinely care.
sarah, katie and all my other friends here, i wish you all a happy new year and hope youre keeping well.
trisha

hi girls, its been a while since we spoke. ive been up all night and was messing around on the comp when i clicked the link for this site and thought id see if any of you had been on. i hope you are all well and that time has been a healer for you, it has for me, but i still have wee moments. anyway thats all i wanted to say. would be nice to hear how you are getting on.
hugs
trisha

Hi Trisha

I hope you are doing okay how's you mum ? . Things have been up and down but I seem to be able to deal with it all a lil better. My oldest sis had a baby boy 4 weeks ago and called him after my Dad he is a lil stunner. My self and Joe are getting married next summer. How's you lil granddaughter ? Talk soon

Love Always Katie xx

hi katie. lovely to hear from you. we are all keeping well. thats great about your wedding and a lovely little nephew for you too. my granddaughter is grand, she sure knows how to wrap us all around her little fingers. but i dont mind, i love her to bits. hope alls been well for you, im sure you must be getting excited about the upcomming wedding? you will have plenty to fill your days now with all the organising that goes with a wedding. anyway, it was great to hear from you and maybe we can speak again before the wedding. hugs from your friend,
trisha x

Hi everyone,
Haven't forgotten about ye. Just have been getting on with it.
Time does heal (slowly) but I can talk about Mam a bit more easily now without bursting out crying. Haven't read your posts but I hope you're all getting on OK.
Take care

Hi Sarah . Trisha . Mabel

Sorry I haven't been on it's been a while. Trisha and Sarah I'm dreading Sunday as I'm sure you's are too I'm going to treat it as an ordinary day rather than it being Fathers day as I'm not coping to well lately it seems to be more so when I'm in bed and I can't stop my mind from going over everything time and time again it's the images that come into my mind that I can't deal with. The days aren't as bad as I keep myself busy with work and home. Mabel I'm glad that things are going a lil better for you x
Love to all of you
Katie xx

Hi everyone..havent read back on all the posts but I lost my lovely Dad to cancer last week....he has prostate cancer 6 yrs ago and got the all clear in December....his cancer returned aggressively and his only sympton in the past 2 months was acute knee pain...and weight loss,which we put down to his in-activity and loss of appetite on pain-killers...Dad went to A&E 3 wks ago and it came about that he had widespread cancer in his lungs,liver and a massive tumour on his spine...we are shocked as the primary cancer was the prostate....

Hi JaneMary

I'm so sorry for your loss I lost my dad in Oct 2008 so I know what you are going through. I have made some wonderful friends on here that have helped me through my darkest times just remember that we are always on whenever you need to talk

Love Katie x

Thanks Katie at the minute it doesnt seem real,my Dad only went into hospital 3 weeks ago,we were completely blown away by the diagnosis...he got the all clear in December but the cancer had spread rapidly throughout his body...he passed away 1 week ago...it was all too quick to register i think...but im taking comfort that his suffering was short...so sorry about your Dad xx
Janet

Hi Janemary

It's was very similar with my Dad we only found out on the 17th of September 2008 that he had cancer and he died on the 24th Oct 2008 we only had 5 weeks with him after he was diagnosed, but I have 33 wonderful years of memories with him. I'm here if you ever need to talk
Take care

Love Katie x

hi girls, im not really looking forward to sunday either katie. i know its almost 2 years since dad passed but its still very painful when anniversaries and dates like fathers day comes around. hello janemary, im so sorry for your loss, its still very early days for you and such a difficult time. i wish i could say something to make you feel better but as we all know here, there is nothing anyone can say to make the pain youre feeling go away. all i can say is that we are all here for support and a chat if you need to talk about it. as katie said, ive also met some lovely friends here and they supported me when i lost my dad to oesophagael cancer. we found out 3 months before he passed away he had cancer. please do come and talk with us here anytime, i sign in almost every day and there is always going to be someone here if you need us. will go for now but will check in later to see if youve been on again.
hugs to all my friends here (old and new)
god bless
trisha.

Thanks Trisha,my inlaws came home from holidays today which was difficult,so painful when you have to talk about it....prefare to ignore it at min...dreading when it really hits...think the numbness is starting to wear off

hi janemary. i know how you feel at the moment as its one of many stages we all went through. there is no time limit on the grieving process and everbody has there own ways of coping, but if you do want to talk, then we are all here for you when youre ready.
hugs
trisha

Hi Everybody

Its been a long time since I have been on and I just wanted to check in and say hello. I hope that you all got over fathers day ok, it was a hard day but found it a bit easier then last year, I think. Although the pain never goes away I find it a little bit easier to deal with now. It was great to hear all your news Katie and Trisha. I am always thinking of you both. Janet like Trisha said everybody has their own way of dealing with loss, we have all been through it so we understand how you are feeling.

Sarah

hi sarah, its good hearing from you. fathers day was difficult, i took mum and the kids to the grave. we just put flowers on and weeded the soil. everyone was trying not to mention dad too much but it was very awkward. mum was crying but didnt want to let it show and no-one wanted to say anything for fear of setting her off. i bought a small bench for beside the grave and we all just sat there for about an hour.
i hope all of you got through everything ok.
janemary, i know it must have been awful for you. we all know what the 1st anniversaries are like. take comfort in knowing you are not alone and there are people here who care how you are feeling.
God bless,
your friend,
trisha

Thanks Trisha,yes I found it a very difficult day...but in general I have been avoiding the feelings,its easier not to think about it...everyone keeps asking how im feeling and im just fine,which is how i want it to stay for the moment...is that normal...Dads months mind on Sunday and Im dreading the day ,feel im going to have a very emotional day...xx

oh janemary, what is normal? if you are coping with things by being "fine" then thats ok. the whole grieving process is different for everyone so dont think for a moment that youre wrong to be feeling "fine". i will be thinking of you on sunday
God bless
trisha

Well today went better than I expected,had a few tears last night so I think that helped me get through today....the priest spoke of my Dad and prayed for our family and my late mother too..it was very personal...a neighbour told me that the priest spoke of Dad at mass last week too,about the chats they had and meeting us his family during the hardest days,the neighbour said it was obvious that he was very moved by my Dads death....We still have another hard day to deal with,the buriel of his ashes next to my Mams ...

hi girls, just wanted to post as our 2 yr anniversarys without our dads is upon us. i want to let u all know im thinking of u at this time. i hope all is well with you and things are a bit easier now. i know there will always be a gap in our hearts, but hopefully time has eased it a little.
i have a bit of good news for you too,
im going to be a granny again in april.
well girls, good luck and god bless,
your friend,
trisha

Hi Trisha

Its great to hear from you even though I am not on the site as much as I used to be I still think of you and Katie. I know I can't believe its been 2 years, in ways it only feels like yesterday. I hope you are doing ok. It will always be a sad time of year for all of us. Ill will be thinking of you around this time.

Sarah

hi sarah, good hearing from you. its nice to see after 2 yrs have passed we are still in touch with each other. i hope alls well with you, have been thinking of you a lot at this time. 8 more days till my dads aniversary. still wish he was here, but am starting to accept it better now.
god bless
trisha

Hi all,

Have been reading through some of the threads here over the past 3 months but only now decided to post. I lost my Dad just over 2 weeks ago, Saturday September 4th. He was 64 years of age. He was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer at the end of June. He collapsed in the beginning of July and was admitted to hospital with pneumonia. They then discovered that he had suffered a stroke. He began to have very high temperatures every day which confused them. After further investigation they discovered that he had 'infective endocarditis' which is an infection of the valves of hes heart. It was a separate diagnosis from the cancer and he was EXTREMELY unluckly to have contracted it. It is rare and you have to pick it up from somewhere - usually people get it after having an invasive procedure. We have no idea where he got this or how long he had it for. Anyway it did not respond to antibiotics and in a 'healthy' person they would perform a valve replacement operation but unfortunately Dad was not a candidate for surgery.

We were lucky I suppose that we got to spend time with him at the end. Since he was diagnosed I was with him almost every day. I got to tell him how much I loved him and thanked him for everything he did for me. I am 26 and the youngest in my family as well as the only girl. I was extremely close to my Dad and I am going to miss him so much. I have gone back to college and am trying to get back into things. I dont really know how I feel. I seem to be 'coping' quite well. When people say 'you seem to be really positive about the whole thing' or 'god I cant believe you're out' it makes me feel almost guilty. I am not sure if a should be crying all day every day. I am not sure if it has really sunk in but then I do have my moments like every evening when I go to bed or when I go home & want to tell him about my day.

I suppose I just wanted to post as people here have been through & are going through what I am going through. Other people are great & they care but I cant handle when people say 'oh its terrible' or 'i'm shocked, how awful' as I either dont want to think or talk about or I feel like saying 'how do you think i feel?!!!!!'

I dont know what I expect to achieve from posting but I hope maybe someone could offer advice or if they feel/felt the same way.

hi claire, first of all i would like to say welcome and im glad you decided to join us.
im so sorry for your loss, but if i or any of the girls here can offer advice or just a shoulder, then please continue to talk to us. we have all been here for each other helping through the bad times. sometimes it may take a few days to get back to you, but one of us always will.
its still very early days for you, and your grieving process has only started, so dont listen to other peoples comments on how you should be coping. you just keep on doing what is right for you.
my dad passed away 2years ago on the 25th of this month. i still miss him so much, but im learning how to cope with life a little more each day. after 2 years, i still cry in bed at night and 1st thing in the morning as he is always the last one i think about before i sleep and the first one i think about when waking. like you i was a daddies girl but ive learned that it was a good thing, as i have lots of happy memories.
i hope this will help even if only to know there are people here who know and care what youre going through at this time. please come here if you need to chat or just get something off your chest. its been my lifeline having the girls here to talk to and they are (now 2years on) still my friends. i never once felt alone throughout the whole process of grieving as i always had someone here.
God bless
Trisha.

Hi everyone cant believe its nearly 5 months since my dear Dad passed away...gosh I ve had some very hard days,think its when I got a bolt of reality and realise Dads gone,other days are brighter and I can enjoy the memories,listen to a song he loved on the radio and smile...find the kids comments so bitter sweet,dreading Christmas of course and a family wedding NYE...most of all I notice a huge link gone with my brothers...we arent great at calling eachother,new years resolution for 2011 make an effort to call them !!! Thinking of you all xx

hi janemary, its over 2 yrs since my dad passed away and believe it or not, i was thinking of him just today and found myself in floods of tears. i still miss him so much, i think i will always have wee moments like this for the rest of my life. doesnt make me weak though, i think it makes me stronger now................. how? well i just have a cry then dust myself of and get on with things again. its getting easier every day, but i still miss my best friend. this monday will be hard, its my second birthday since dad died and he used to spoil me so much. i hate getting cards from mum without dads name being on it.
im going on a bit, so will leave it there.
much love and hugs for all my friends here
trisha

Trisha I know exactly how you feel,I was a Daddys girl and after I got married my Mam and Dad always got me something special for my birthday,my Mam loved buying me expensive toiletries,which she knew I wouldnt buy myself...God love my poor Dad after my Mam died 6 years ago he tried to keep this up,going into Arnotts and buying mad stuff !!!! Im dreading my birthday in January,wont ever be the same ,take care x Janemary

its been a while since i posted, i havent had access to the internet for a few months. i hope you are all well and keeping your chins up, and im sorry i havent answered your post till now janemary. i hope you got the birthday over without too much upset. things have a way of making the balance right too...... when dad passed i had no idea that two yrs on i would be a grandma and about to be again in a few months. of course i wish dad had been here to see the children but it wasnt meant to be. i feel he is watching over us all and thats what helped me through the darkest months after he passed away.
before i leave you, i wanted to let you all know that the irish cancer society has a page on facebook, after reading through some of the posts there i found similar stories to our own which helped me a lot. i just thought you might like to know it exists in case any of you have a profile there and maybe care to look it up.
for now, take care of yourselves
trisha.

Hello
I lost my dad many years ago when I was quite young. Every year I hate christmas. My husband could never understand why i dreaded christmas. Even having children and watching their excitmant over this time it could not go fast enough. untill one day on the radio there was a discussion about this very subject. A lady said that life goes on but we live our lives in a different way. Nothing ever fills the place of a loved one and unless you have lost someone no one can never understand what it is like. My dad didnt get to walk me down the aisle or see my children. I often think what way our lives would be like if dad hadn't passed away with cancer. But life moves on but thank god for our memories,
sunflower

I lost my Mother to Metastatic(?) Breast Cancer on 8th June this year. She battled it like hell for 6 and a half years. She had had a pretty good run of health right up until last summer, but she gradually seemed to go off her food, and get less mobile and weaker.

The one thing that kept her going throughout all of this was her beloved grand-daughter, who was born shortly before her diagnosis. I am hopefully going to go to the Christmas Tree lighting ceremony in December of this year, so I'll hopefully be able to put faces to some of the names on here!!??

[quote="Sid74":2fbd93wg]I lost my Mother to Metastatic(?) Breast Cancer on 8th June this year. She battled it like hell for 6 and a half years. She had had a pretty good run of health right up until last summer, but she gradually seemed to go off her food, and get less mobile and weaker.

The one thing that kept her going throughout all of this was her beloved grand-daughter, who was born shortly before her diagnosis. I am hopefully going to go to the Christmas Tree lighting ceremony in December of this year, so I'll hopefully be able to put faces to some of the names on here!!??

[/quote:2fbd93wg]

When is the Christmas Tree Lighting ceremony this year?

My dad passed away in November just gone. He was 68. Ironically on Irish cancer day last year we were given the blow that his cancer wasn't curable. I will never forget the haunted and scared look in his eyes. It's such a cruel disease...a real life sentence. Although he was given up to 2 years he only survived 9 months. He fought it so hard. Because it was in his mouth he struggled to eat and his speech was affected which made him so self conscious. He spent his final few months raising money for our local hospice. It made both him and our family so proud.
I have so many mixed feelings about the whole thing. Part of me feels like if I had noticed his symptoms sooner or done something different that we would have caught it on time. He faded away in front of us. We brought him home from the hospice to die. In his final hours he tried speaking to us and we couldn't understand him. It took so much effort out of him and it broke my heart not to know what he was saying. He was so brave and never complained. I wish I could have done something to help him.
I just felt the need to get some of this off my chest and to say how much I loved him and miss him. Always when I see daffodils it reminds of him and that time last year when our lives were turned upside down.
It breaks my heart to hear of people I know of being newly diagnosed. I know what we went through as a family and I would wish it on no one.
Finally I just want to say such a huge thank you to Hillary. The homecare night nurse you sent on his final night. She was amazing. She guided us true the toughest time of our lives with such care. She stayed beyond her duty to make sure we were ok. She made my dad more comfortable looking than I'd seen in a long time. If there are angels then I believe she is one. Thank you.