In memory
posted by snake-lady
09 November 2008

new thread for anyone who has lost a loved one

Last reply: 5 years ago

i thought id start a new thread here for anyone who has lost a loved one. once they are gone the family tend to be forgotten to get on with things and [for many of us me included] we are not ready to forget the person who passed away. so i thought it would be a place to write down how we feel or just to talk to others in the same situation. i really hope anyone in this position will take advantage of this thread and maybe help someone else as well................ anyway, i will start the thread by saying, i lost my dad to cancer of the oesophagus on 25 sept 2008. i still cry a lot as he and i were very close. he was the best dad a girl could wish for [in my eyes] and he died not knowing he was going to be a great grandad. i feel cheated that he was taken from me the way he was, he was 73 and i always expected him to die of old age and without pain and suffering. i just celebrated my 40th birthday yesterday and it was awful that he wasnt here, but he couldnt hold on and i wouldnt have wanted him to try. anyway that about sums up my story so please feel free to put your stories here and hopefully there will be a little comfort in knowing there are others like you out there. thankyou all for reading this and [hopefully] putting your own stories here too. trisha.

149 comments

Comments

commented by SarahJ
10 November 2008

5 years ago

Hi Trisha, I think its a great idea that you started this thread as you know a few of us on this site have lost of dad's in the past couple of months me included and it will be good to have one thread where we can all come together and chat about how we feel. I lost my dad over 2 months ago and its still very hard. Sometimes I feel fine but then there are times I feel like I'm back at the beginning again with grief. As time goes on people expect you have moved on with your life but that's not the case. That's why this site is so good people on here know what you are going through and can help.
Sarah

commented by snake-lady
14 November 2008

5 years ago

looks like its just you and me for now sarah. ive had a really weepy day today, ive been thinking of dads funeral and then crying then i stop for a while and think of something else and start to cry again. i dont see an end to this grief and its killing me. my family are great, but im sure they are fed up with my mood swings. on the one hand, ive a new grandchild to look forward to, but then on the other hand im miserable as i want my dad back. i was going to try grief counselling but dont know whether i should as other counselling ive had never worked. i wish there was some pill you could just take to get over grief as i cant seem to be able to just move on with life........................trisha

commented by SarahJ
18 November 2008

5 years ago

Hi Trisha, what you are feeling is normal I'm sure I feel the same way, sometimes I feel fine and then other times when I think of my dad I just want to cry. I still can't believe I will never see him again it just seems like a bad dream. I dont want to keep going on about it all the time to my friends so a lot of the time I keep how I am really feeling to myself but I am glad I have you who understands as well.

Your dad was in your life for 40 years, it will take more than a couple of months to start to feel better again. I know it can be frustrating as you want to be able to feel a bit better with time. A friend of mine who lost one of their parents said the first 6 months are the hardest and it get a bit easier after that. Another person told me as well that you will never forget you just learn to live with it and I really believe that's what will happen for both of us in time. These have been the hardest few months of both our lives. I haven't really thought about counselling but if you do try it let me know how you get on maybe there are groups you could go to and meet other people who are in the same situation. Keep in touch and let me know how you are doing. Sarah

commented by jaykay
21 November 2008

5 years ago

Hi Sarah and Trisha

I have been just browsing through the site and found your new thread Trisha. I know only too well how both of you are feeling. My friend lost her Dad 13 yrs ago and we we're having a chat over a cup of coffee a few nights ago and she said to me that the pain never goes away but that time makes it a easier to bear. It's my Dads 1 month Anniversary on Monday and I am dreading it . How are you both keeping today? Their are some bereavement counselors that you can go to you can goggle them to find one close to your area . Mam thinks that maybe I should go to one of these as I have been bottling up so much emotions since Dad died but I just don't feel comfortable talking to a stranger about my Dad . Both of you don't feel like strangers to me as yous have been with me through so many good and bad times with your kind words and understanding your daily mails have helped me so much.
Love to you both
Katie xxx

commented by snake-lady
22 November 2008

5 years ago

hi katie and sarah. im so glad that youve decided to share on this thread as there are so many of us who have lost someone and this will show them there is somewhere to go and talk. things have been ok for me lately but it wont last, [it never does] ive been sick with a cold and havent been thinking much about anything, just feeling thoroughly sorry for myself. its almost 2 months now since dad passed away and im still moping around but i think its got a little more bearable. im glad ive got my friends here as you have all helped me so much. i hope ive been a little help to you as well. katie, im glad you dont think of us as strangers, it makes talking so much easier when you have someone you trust. i think your friend was right sarah, i think its something we never get over but we learn to live with it. when my grandad died it was nowhere near as bad as i feel now, not that i didnt love him, i did love him very much, i guess id just resigned myself to the fact he was an old man and thats the natural order of things, but with cancer, it takes someone you love prematurely and we arent ready for that loss. anyway, i will go for now, will check in again soon. love and hugs, trisha.

commented by SarahJ
26 November 2008

5 years ago

Hi Trisha and Katie just checking in to see how you are both doing. Katie I hope you are ok after your Dad's month anniversary I know how hard that day can be it just brings all the thoughts of the funeral back again. I had been doing fine up to the last 2 days and I feel very sad again now. I keep thinking how unfair it was that my Dad got cancer like you said Trisha it has robbed us of years we could have had with our Dads. Mt dad wasn't old he could have lived for another 20 years and its making me very sad and angry as well. I just keep thinking of all the things he will never see you must feel the same Trisha with your little grandbaby on the way. I wish so much that he was still here. I miss him.
I'm am glad I have both of you to talk to like this as I know you both understand. Sarah

commented by jaykay
26 November 2008

5 years ago

Hi Sarah & Trisha, I know how you feel Sarah and no amount of words will make you feel any better this horrible disease has robbed us of many more years we should of had with our Dad's , it kills me that Dad will never see my children and at times I get so jealous of my siblings as he saw them get married and saw them have children . Dads months mind mass is this Saturday and I have just sorted out the acknowledgment for the evening herald for tomorrow night so feeling very emotional today. There are times that I forget that he has left as it still feels very unreal and I'm dreading Saturday. Myself and Joe have been invited to a party on Friday evening I'm not really up to it but it's to do with Joe's job but the hardest part is that it's a 40th wedding anniversary do and my parents would of been married 40yrs this coming Feb and it's is also the night before the mass so not too sure how things will go.Trisha my niece had a baby boy last year he was 1 last week and I strongly believe that he was sent here for a reason as he always brings a smile to my face on my darkest days and I believe that your grandchild has also been sent to help ease your pain a little.My heart aches for both of you as I know only too well what you's are going through. Take Care . Love Katiexxx

commented by snake-lady
12 December 2008

5 years ago

hello all. i think we are all going to need as much support as possible for the next few weeks. ive been told christmas is the worst time after a loss and i think this is true as ive been depressed and really missing my dad more this past few weeks. im going to have my hands full trying to console my mum. shes not coping at all and im really worried for her. she has started to drink a lot and im scared im going to lose her too. sorry for whinning on at you, you all have enough problems of your own, but i have absolutely no-one to talk to for advice or just a shoulder to lean on. katie, i believe youre right, i think this baby has been sent to ease the pain of loss, im so happy im going to be granny [even if i dont think im old enough hahaha]. anyway i will sign off for now, all my thoughts, love and hugs to you all and your families, trisha.

commented by SarahJ
15 December 2008

5 years ago

Hi Trisha and Katie

I have been reading through your various posts so I am just going to reply here. Trisha I'm so sorry you are feeling down and sick I can imagine having a chest infection isn't nice and everybody feels down when they are sick so on top of everything else it just makes it all seem worse. I'm sorry also your mum isn't coping its hard on all our mums I'm sure she is juts having a drink to make her feel better but unfortunately it often has the opposite effect.
Katie I'm so sorry to hear your mothers sister passed away I'm sure it brought all the memories back. I'm glad you have your nieces 18th to look forward to.
I think the next few weeks are going to be really hard on all of us I'm dreading Christmas day but I just think its just one day to get through. I'm sure there a lot of families out there who are in the same position as us but it doesn't make it any easier.
I still cant seem to believe I will never see my dad again someday I am coping ok and somedays not so good. I feel like I am going around with this constant horrible feeling, sometimes I forget its there but then I remember again. I also visit my Dads grave a lot as well Trisha so who ever is telling you not to go there is wrong. I think its important to go there.
I'll sign off now but I will be thinking of you both and your families over Christmas. Hopefully the new year will be more positive for all of us.

commented by SarahJ
19 December 2008

5 years ago

Hi Trisha and Katie
I may not get the chance to post again before Christmas but I just wanted to let you both know that I will be thinking of you on Christmas Day, its going to hard for us but I hope that you manage to get through it as best you can. I think no matter what we try to do it going to be hard. I will visit my dads grave on Christmas Day, I feel it might make it a bit easier by going there. Take care to both of you and you are in my thoughts. Sarah

commented by jaykay
22 December 2008

5 years ago

Hi Trisha and Sarah

You will both be in my thoughts through out the next coming days as it will be hard for all of us but with our good families behind this will will get through please god. Take Care Love Katie xxx

commented by snake-lady
31 December 2008

5 years ago

hello to all my friends, just wanted to take the time to wish you all a happy new year. i hope you got christmas over you without too much pain over your loved ones. personally, i thought christmas eve was the worst day of the hols. i went to dads grave to plant a rose bush and thats when the realisation hit me, after that i was crying all day. anyway love and hugs to you all and i hope the new year brings all of us some [much deserved] peace and happiness. your friend, trisha.x

commented by jaykay
07 January 2009

5 years ago

Hi Trisha . Jen ,Sarah

I hope you got over the christmas okay and please god this year will be a better one for all of us. I had some more bad news it seems to be following me around on the 13th of December my Partner Joe's brother died so we had his Mum staying with us from then till a couple of days ago so Christmas was so hard as I was trying my best to keep her spirits and Joes up too in the event every time I left the room I went upstairs to cry about Dad It was just so heart breaking I also had my first birthday on Dec 27th without Dad , My Mam stayed with me last night and she said she wanted to talk to me about something that had been bothering her , her and Dad moved into their apt on Aug 20th last year and due to Dads illness he only lived there for 39 days in total and since Dad has died ( God that is still so hard to say ) she hasn't stayed there she has been with myself and sisters she has decided that she wants to move back to our area to a 1 bed roomed apt as us kids still live in the same area we were brought up in and I am so glad that she made this decision as I know she will never be able to pick her life up while living in her and Dads apt too many bad memories , we are setting the wheels in motion today I have spoken to my siblings about this this morning and we have all agreed that it's for the best and I know that Dad wouldn't want her staying there for the sake of it. We want her to start doing her daily things like she used to having her own Independence again as we have all been wrapping her in cotton wool and Mam has always been a strong independent women and I think in her making this decision will help her to start dealing with loosing Dad I have told her that at the end of the day leaving that apt she can take her happy memories with her as the apt is only bricks and mortar and when we close the door for the last time we can say to Dad "come on Will are ye right we're going home !!" So say a prayer everything works out for the best for mam and us Kids. Take Care Love Always Katie xxxx

commented by snake-lady
07 January 2009

5 years ago

hi katie, i think its a great idea for your mum to be near her kids. i live practically next door to my mum and i know she wouldnt have been able to cope alone with her grief. she only had my dad and us two girls so she does need support from me as my sister lives too far away and she doesnt drive. if it wasnt for me, she wouldnt get to see my sis as i do drive and take mum to visit. its getting better for our family, in that although we still miss dad, the tears dont come as often now. we still have our moments and of course we will never forget him but the pain in our hearts is a little less with every day that passes. and we have a new little life to look forward to which has shown us life really does go on. im sorry to hear that you suffered another loss, an old friend from school contacted me recently to tell me her mum was burried on new years eve. my heart went out to her, i knew exactly how she felt and i wished i could say something to make her feel better, but as you know there is nothing that can be said except that youre there for them if they need you. anyway katie, i hope that things will start getting a bit better for you soon and know that we are all still here for you anytime pet, so please keep in touch and lots of love, hugs and best wishes for the year to come. your friend trisha. x

commented by sad2009
08 January 2009

5 years ago

hi there - I lost my mom on the 7th of novemebr after a mere 7 weeks from a brain tumour. I am so lonely and hopeless at the moment. I feel like my whole world has shattered into pieces. We were so close I saw her nearly every day and even though my brothers and sisters are grieving too i feel like I not only am grieving for my mom but also trying to cope with what to do with all the time i used to spend with her either ringing her every morning or lunch and coffee. My Dad already passed away 18 years ago so the whole family structure has gone and I am so afraid of the future. Worse thing is that my mom never know that I am expecting my second child as it was too unfair on her to give her that news when she was dying knowing she would never see her new grandchild, sometimes I can't breathe from the grief of it all - I never felt like this after my dad - I feel lost.

commented by jaykay
08 January 2009

5 years ago

Hi Sad009

I am so sorry to hear of your Loss I lost my father to esophageal cancer on the 24th of Oct last year we only knew he had cancer for 5 weeks. See your new baby a a blessing to help ease your grief and to also keep your mind occupied, I know exactly how you feel even now I can't believe that Dad is gone it's heart breaking , but speak to your siblings and tell them your fears as they are probably feeling the same in regards to the family structure and you's can all gain strength from each other , I have met some wonderful women on here that have helped me so much and I hope we can all help you and we are here if you need to talk.
Take care , Love Katie xxxx

commented by snake-lady
12 January 2009

5 years ago

hi sad 2009. i read you message and my heart went out to you. my daughter is expecting a baby too and my dad who died from oesophagal cancer 25 sept 08 didnt know either. im lucky ive still got my mum and know how lost id be if anything happened to her. i just want to let you know that you have now made some brilliant friends here and we will always answer your messages when you need a shoulder [it may take a few days, but we always answer]. please do talk anytime as ive found it to be a great help in times i thought i couldnt cope. all the friends ive made here have got me through some particularly tough patches and i couldnt be without them now. i will close for now but i hope to hear from you again. to all my buddies out there, get your typing fingers on the go and give us a shout. i hope all of you had a great christmas and all the best for the new year, hugs and thoughts to you and your families, love, trisha x.

commented by SarahJ
16 January 2009

5 years ago

Hi Trisha, Katie and Jen

Sorry I haven't been in touch in a while, for some reason I found it difficult to write since Christmas. I hope that ye are all doing ok.

Trisha I know how you felt on Christmas eve, Christmas day was the worst fro me it was very strange sitting down together without my Dad. We went to the grave afterwards and it struck my all the new flowers on all the graves for Christmas it was very sad. I am so glad that Christmas is over now.

Katie you poor thing I can't even imagine how Christmas was for you with the death of your partners brother, it must have been terrible and with your birthday as well. You are strong person to have got through all that. I hope that things are a bit better now. Its good news your mother is moving back to her old area I'm sure it will help her get back into a routine. I think that's important for all our mothers.

Right now I'm feeling ok, I agree with what Trisha said the pain does get a bit less every day although there are bad days as well when it the loss comes flooding back but they are getting a bit less.

Sad2009 I'm so very sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. I think Katie is right though you should talk to your siblings I can imagine it must be frightening for you to have lost both your mum and dad.

The one thing I would like for this year ahead is some piece of mind somedays I can't get the thoughts out of my head of my Dads last few weeks and how much he suffered I am just wondering is it the same for all of you? I'm just wondering is this normal. I just wish that I could always remember when my dad was healthy and not sick, if I could just block those memories I would.

Take care.

Sarah

commented by snake-lady
31 January 2009

5 years ago

hi all my friends. just want to appologise for not being around in a while. i couldnt use my computer as it picked up a virus. the whole system needed to be wiped and re-booted. i lost everything id saved [including family pics]. i wish the prats who send those viruses would find something better to do with their time instead of making life difficult for other people. anyway, i hope youre all keeping well. i have some good news, i went to my daughters 20 week scan with her and shes having a baby girl and baby is doing well. ive not been doing too bad lately, i still miss my dad but im slowly coming to terms with things as they are now, and im looking forward to the birth of my granddaughter, i wish dad could be here for the baby but it wasnt meant to be. anyway i see nobodys been on for a while either so im looking forward to hearing from you all soon. let me know how you are all getting on and id be pleased as punch to hear if anyone else has more good news to pass on [we need more good news after what weve all been through]. so get typing and let me know whats been happening good or bad as ive missed you all and our wee chats to each other. love and hugs to you and your families, trisha.

commented by jaykay
02 February 2009

5 years ago

Hi Girls , I'm sorry I haven't been on for a while too but I have not been at a good place and just went a bit into myself. Trisha a little girl how wonderful !! any names picked yet ? I have just saved all my photos onto my memory stick just in case as the same could happen to my computer. I haven't been coping to well I seem to be having more bad days than good ,it would of been Mam & Dads 40th wedding anniversary on the 22nd of February and we had planned to hold a surprise party for them but we are all going for a meal on the Friday before the 20th with Mam, still no news on when Mam will be moving I hope its sooner rather than later so she can then try to get a bit of normality into her life. Myself and Joe are trying for a baby so say a prayer and fingers crossed I could do with some good news, Take care Love Kate xxxx

commented by snake-lady
02 February 2009

5 years ago

hi katie, its my mum and dads 45th wedding anniversery 27th feb and we are dreading it. mum has got increasingly worse with depression and my sister and i are very worried about her. she was given the number of cruise berevment counsilling but she wont ring. it must be awful for anyone who has lost the love of their lives to be left alone regardless of how long they were together. i think all we can do is be there for our mums if they need us. thats great about your trying for a baby. yes shes got some names picked, at the moment its Rhianon, patricia, sarah seaton. patricia being after me and sarah after my mum. if it had been a boy, she was going to name him after my dad, but its still having the family surname as thats the way we do it in our family, i didnt take my husbands name when i married and my kids had my surname. dad was an only child and he only had 2 daughters so my sister and i both kept it as its a rare name. i will say a wee prayer for you that you wont have to wait too long for your own little blessing, and that all goes well for you, joe and [hopefully soon] your wee bundle of joy. love and hugs to you katie and all my other friends here, trisha x.

commented by jaykay
02 February 2009

5 years ago

Hi Trisha at last a bit of good news just got a call from my sister to say Mam got her new place and its only across the road from us I'm so happy for her maybe things can start looking up a bit now she will be moving next week. Love Kate xx

commented by SarahJ
03 February 2009

5 years ago

Hi Trisha and Katie

Sorry I haven't been in touch so much lately. Trisha I am so glad to hear about your baby granddaughter its something to look forward to. I think as our Dad's died so close together I often feel the same as you. I think too its getting easier to bear but still have bad days of course. I am sorry to hear your mum isn't coping very well. I hope that she can reach out and get the help she needs. I know if it wasn't for you girls I would have found it more difficult to cope.
Katie I am sorry you have been finding it difficult sometimes it takes one good thing to happen and things start to look up a bit and I'm sure your mum moving near you will help.
I'll sign off now and ill be in touch again soon.
Sarah

commented by snake-lady
03 February 2009

5 years ago

hi all, katie thats great about your mum moving so near to you, i know its a lot easier having my mum nearby and i pop in every day to see her without having to drive anywhere. now all you need is that new grandchild youre planning and that will give her something extra to look forward to. sarah, its great to hear from you. i was worried all the lovely friends id made here were starting to leave the site and im not ready to lose you all yet. i know what you mean, 3 of us lost our dads within 2 months and for that awful reason, its brought us very close together. we are able to recognise the others pain and know exactly what the others are feeling as weve been there. im glad we all found each other too as i dont think i couldve got through everything without you. im starting to get a bit teary eyed now so i will sign off till tomorrow. love and hugs to you all and your families, trisha x.

commented by SarahJ
18 February 2009

5 years ago

Hi Trisha, Katie and Jen

Just thought I'd check in with you all and see how ye are doing. Jen I know we haven't heard from you in a while so I hope you and your friend are keeping well. If you get a chance let us know how he is doing.

I have been doing ok the last few weeks have been going out a lot with friends and life seems to be getting back to normal slowly. I try now as much as I can to plan nice things to do and look forward to things before I couldn't see the point I just seemed to be going along with things for the sake of it. I have some holidays as well to look forward to which is great I know my dad would want me to get on and enjoy my life but sometimes I still feel guilty.

We picked out a headstone for my Dads grave and that was difficult but it will be good to have the grave nice for him.

Trisha how are you and your daughter you must be so excited about the baby its great and Katie has your Mam moved yet?

Hope to hear from you all soon.

Take care

Sarah

commented by jaykay
19 February 2009

5 years ago

Hi Girls

Sorry I haven't been in touch. Mam moved on Tuesday and hopefully now she can start looking to the future I know she will always miss and Love Dad but hopefully this will give her the little push she needs. Mam and Dad's 40th Anniversary is on Sunday so we are going out Friday night not to celebrate but to give Mam the support she 's going to need she doesn't know about it so it will be a nice surprise. We also got a picture of their wedding made in a Lazar Crystal for her it looks really beautiful. I hope you are all doing okay I still have my good and bad day as I'm sure we all do. You have all been a great support to me and from the bottom of my heart I thank you all

Love Kate xxx

commented by Mabel
20 February 2009

5 years ago

Hi,
Just had a quick read of your messages.
My mum died 26 Jan from ovarian cancer. It is a horrible form of cancer as there are no obvious symptoms. My mum was referred to hospital twice over the space of a year, but was told to wait & see how her symptoms developed.
Just to say if anyone is worried about anything no matter what it is, keep persisting.
My mum was diagnosed in Aug '08. We didn't know we would lose her so quickly in the end. I always there would be a gradual decline in her health. She was always so positive, so I never got to say a lot of things to her.
Anyway, for my first time on here, don't want to depress everyone. Do find it very hard, some days more than others.
It's great to be able to talk to people in the same situation. I find it helps to talk. Friends are great, but it's so hard to comprehend when you haven't gone through it yourself.
Talk soon

commented by SarahJ
20 February 2009

5 years ago

Hi Mabel

I am an so very sorry to hear that your mum passed away so recently. I lost my dad last year to cancer so I know what you are going through. It's one of the hardest things to do watch somebody you love go through so much pain and suffering and knowing there is nothing you can do about it. I really didn't accept it until the end that my dad was dying. I always thought the doctors would be able to do something. I think it was only in the last couple of weeks when he got very bad I realised he would die.

I know it early on for you but I promise things do get a little bit easier as time goes by. I still have bad days but I suppose I am more positive now than a few months ago. I have met the most wonderful people on this forum and they have been a great help as thye know exactly what I am going through. I hope that I can be of some help to you.

Take care .

Sarah

commented by snake-lady
03 March 2009

5 years ago

hi all. hope everyone is keeping well. just wanted to let you know that im still thinking of you all and although our chats are less, i havent forgotten any of you. ive been having a rough time thinking about my dad of late, mostly the way he died and its been almost as bad as when he just passed away. i suppose thats normal but i wasnt prepared for it.
hi mabel, its always nice to hear from new people on the tag so welcome to you [its not so nice as to the reason youre here, but we all know what youre going through]. im sorry you lost your mum. my dad died from oesophagal cancer sept 25 08 and we didnt even know 3 months before that he had cancer, so like you, we didnt have time to prepare ourselves for his passing. its hard that we dont get the chance to say the things we need to say, but they know we love them and i think thats the main thing. please come here any time you need to talk, as its a great way to express your feelings and get things off your chest. theres always someone to talk to and answer you [even if it takes a while].
anyway, i will sign off for now but will check in regularly to see if anyones about. love and hugs to you and your families, trisha x.

commented by Mabel
06 March 2009

5 years ago

Hi, everyone,
Going up home tomorrow. Still feels so weird with no Mam there. Keep expecting her to appear out of somewhere. So weird going round the house & seeing all her stuff. That still hurts a lot.
Hope you're all keeping ok. Don't really have very much to say, but just thought I'd put in a few words. Still keep going through Mam's last week with us. Still gets me down.
Anyway, better go.
Keep in touch. It's always good to hear from ye.

commented by jaykay
09 March 2009

5 years ago

Hi Girls

Sorry haven't been in touch but having a bad time of it lately.Mabel I know how you feel I keep expecting to see my dad every time I go to Mams and I end up walking away feeling cheated that he's not there. I designed my dads memorial cards and bookmarks the proofs where emailed to me this morning and I've just been so upset since looking at them it just makes it all the more real now.There is so many things that I wish I had said to him before he died and the night he died I was afraid to say what I felt I only said it in my head when I was sitting with him because I was scared to let him know that I knew he was leaving us but it turned out that he had told my brother earlier that day that he knew he was dying my heart is just so broken I don't know weather I'm coming or going some days .I wish we had had a little more time with him , when I look around me I see so many people that are abusing there lives and think why didn't god take them and leave my dad with us for longer it's just so unfair. Everyone keeps telling me that time makes it easier to bear but it doesn't seem to be that way with me lately all I've been doing is crying I have so many questions that I need answers to and the only person that can answer them for me is not here , I just need a hug off him cause that always made me feel better. Oh I don't know what to do I feel so lost.

Love katie xxxxx

commented by snake-lady
09 March 2009

5 years ago

hi all, good to hear from you katie, its been a while. sorry youre having a bad time lately. if you read my last message, you will see that ive been feeling much the same as yourself, i thought it would pass but it hasnt. im missing my dad terribly at the minute. i know ive got my grandchild to look forward to, but all i can think of at the minute is how my dad died and the way he suffered. i cant shake the last images i had of him at all and ive been crying all the time. its very embarrasing when it happens in public, one minute im fine then a thought triggers off the tears. i cant believe that this is still occuring six months later, nobody tells you about how grief affects your life so when you lose someone you just arent prepared for the emotional rollercoaster of the aftermath. i find i need this site more than ever now as everyone here seems to understand what im going through. day to day tasks are a nightmare for me now as i dont know if im going to have "an episode". my doctor is very worried about me and ive to see her once a week as my blood pressure is dangerously high, she cant get it down and im threatening a stroke. i know its to do with my dads death but theres no miracle pill for grief so im just going to have to ride it out and hope my medical problems do the same. anyway i will close for now, hope to hear from you all soon. love and hugs to you and your families, trisha.

commented by jaykay
09 March 2009

5 years ago

Hi Trisha

I hope your health improves god it's just one thing after another , I'm heading home now but just want you to know your in my thoughts

Love to you

Katiexxx

commented by SarahJ
09 March 2009

5 years ago

Hi Girls
Sorry I haven't written in a while and sorry to hear that ye are having a tough time of it lately. I now how tough it is, there are times I feel perfectly normal and then something reminds me and I remember how much my Dad suffered before he died. I don't think it will ever go away. I know Trisha you feel like 6 months later you should feel better but everybody is different. For me I don't seem to be crying as much as I used to in the beginning but that doesn't mean its wrong that you are, it just how you feel. I hope that the doctor can get your blood pressure under control. Have you though a about grief counselling at all? I know you mentioned it just after your Dad died. I often wonder would it help even now.
I think its hard on all of us because there is so much in the news lately about cancer its just seems to be everywhere and its hard when you hear these terrible stories like poor Jade Goody not to be reminded. I know eveytime I hear about her I think of my Dad and its hard.
I think we just all need to take the grief at our own pace. Hopefully in time it will get a bit easier for all of us.

commented by snake-lady
10 March 2009

5 years ago

thanks to all my pals who sent me those lovely thoughts and well wishes for my health. it wasnt my intention to worry any of you, i just needed someone to talk to and i knew that you all were there to listen. im off to the docs thurs so hopefully my blood pressure will have come down.
sarah, im still considering counsilling but i suffer from agoraphobia and i cant go out alone, most counsilling requires a visit to the office so if ive no-one to accompany me then i cant go [but id like to give it a try].
katie, i hope things are looking a bit better for you, my heart went out to you when i heard how miserable you were feeling. you know we are here if you need to talk so just give us a shout.
mabel, i hope things are picking up for you too. its still very early days yet for you so im sure youre still very raw. youve always got someone to talk to now youve found us here so please do. when i visit my mum i dont expect to see dad as he was in hospital most of the last 4 years of his life [not with cancer, he had parkinsons disease too] but its hard to see all his things as they were when he was alive.
anyway girls i will sign off for now, hope to hear from you all soon, love and hugs to you and your families, trisha x.

commented by snake-lady
01 April 2009

5 years ago

hi girls, just thought id post to you all, its been so long since ive spoken to any of you. anyway, i hope youre all keeping ok under the circumstances. i was at the hospital with my daughter for her last checkup and the baby is doing fine, its breech at the moment but, we are told it should turn in the next few weeks. they say it weighs about 3lb 4oz which is normal. she has only 9 weeks left to go. i cant believe how quickly the time has gone in, it was six months ago on the 25 sept that dad died and we had only found out after the funeral that carrieanne was pregnant. well i will leave you for now, hope to hear from you soon, love and hugs to you and your families, trisha x
ps. got my blood pressure under control.

commented by SarahJ
03 April 2009

5 years ago

Hi Trsiha

Its good to hear from you sorry I am not checking in as much as I used to but I still do try and check when I can. I know its hard to believe isn't that 6 months have gone by, half a year since I have seen or spoken to my dad. Its so hard to believe still that I will never see or speak to him again. I got quite upset when it was the 6 months anniversary it just brought it home again that he is gone. Sometimes I wonder will this feeling ever go away it just seems to be under the surface waiting.

I am glad to hear your daughter and the baby are doing well and that your blood pressure is under control.

Will chat again soon.

commented by snake-lady
03 April 2009

5 years ago

hi sarah, good to hear from you. i know how you feel about the anniversery of your dads death, i was exactly the same. in fact every month on the 25th i think, "thats another month gone". its still very hard to cope without him. i sometimes think this pain will never go, but i think i will be able to learn how to live with it eventually. i bumped into a friend i hadnt seen for a while and she asked how i was keeping, i started to cry when she mentioned my dad. i think she was more embarrased than me. anyway, keep in touch and i will continue to check in from time to time. love and hugs to you and your family, trisha x.

commented by jaykay
06 April 2009

5 years ago

Hi Girls
Sorry I haven't been in touch things have been a bit crazy. Well I designed my Dads memorial cards and we should have them this week from the printers it all seems so final now and I had a very bad day yesterday , When the rest of the family are having a bad day they ring me I suppose cause I'll tell them what I know they want to hear but when I have a bad day like yesterday I shut myself away in the bedroom even from Joe I don't know why I do that ,I guess I don't want to be putting anyone on a downer, I sometimes feel like when Dad died I stepped into his shoes without realizing it. I miss him so much there are a lot of things that I needed to say to him that I didn't and because of this I've been so angry with myself since he died I was thinking of going to see a medium what do you's think? I just need to know he is okay and he's not lonely

Love to yous xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

commented by snake-lady
06 April 2009

5 years ago

hi katie, its good to hear from you. sorry youre having a hard time recently. it will come and go probably for a long time yet. its been 6 months since my dad died and im still getting moments like yours. like you, i go up to my room and sit alone a lot. i went to a spiritualist church for a few weeks shortly after dad passed [i never told anyone as i didnt know what they would think of it] but i never got anything through from my dad. if you think it will help you to see a medium, then i fully understand why you need to go and id support your decision to do so. your family probably look to you for advice as you come over as the strong one. my family tried to shield everything from me as i was the one who fell to pieces. we all cope in our own wee ways but if you think your family are putting too much on you, then [in a nice way] you really should tell them, after all you need time to grieve and come to terms with all that youve lost too, and, lets face it, we dont have all the answers to everyones questions, in fact we dont have the answers to most of our own questions. anyway pet, i hope ive helped a bit and know that if you need to talk, im here every day. love and hugs to you and your family, trisha, x.

commented by jaykay
06 April 2009

5 years ago

Thank you so much Trisha
Big hugs to you Love Kate xxx

commented by SarahJ
06 April 2009

5 years ago

Hi Katie

Its good to hear from you. We all have our bad days and everybody deals with it differently. If you feel like going to a medium would help you then I think you should. I know some people don't believe in all that but I would say is that if you think it will make you feel even a bit better then go. I know its so hard even watching programmes on TV about cancer I get upset.

commented by jaykay
06 April 2009

5 years ago

Hi Sarah
I know Sarah I think all the media coverage on Jade Goody just hit a sore spot with me she's at peace now.
I never used to believe in mediums I always thought it was a bit hocus pocus but a friend of mine went after her dad passed a couple of years ago and she was amazed at what she was told . She was told about private things that only her and her dad knew about so I don't suppose it can do any harm, Joe is a bit worried about me going but I've told him that dad had a nickname for me that no one outside my family knew and if they can't tell me this if they do say that my dad is there I'll know just to leave.So I'll just wait and see

Love and hugs Kate xxxxxx

commented by SarahJ
07 April 2009

5 years ago

Good luck Kate I hope it helps and brings you some peace.

commented by reality
08 April 2009

5 years ago

Hi, I have just buried my mum today who died on sunday. I am finding it very hard to think of the future without her. Is there any advice that you all can give me that would help? Thanks Marcella

commented by jaykay
08 April 2009

5 years ago

Hi Marcella

I am so so sorry for your loss, I lost my father on the 24th October last year so I know what you are going through all I can tell you is to take one day at a time . You will have good and bad days but I hope you will find strength from within to help you get through this difficult time.The girls on this site have been marvelous when I have been feeling down and their kind words have always helped . I hope we can all be of help to you and help you get through this sad time.

Love and Hugs Katie xxxx

commented by SarahJ
09 April 2009

5 years ago

Hi Marcella

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. I lost my father 6 months ago to cancer. Its the most horrible thing to go through but like Katie said just take it a day at a time. You will have good and bad days so don't be too hard on yourself. Its does get a bit easier with time, I remember the first few weeks were the worst but I promise you will start to feel better. I still have my bad days but the girls here have been great to me and its good to know that people out there understand what you are going through.

Sarah

commented by reality
09 April 2009

5 years ago

Hi Katie & Sarah,
Thanks for your replies. I am sorry that you know exactly what i am going through, no one should have to go through this.

I am having a bad day today, my mothers gp rang today to inquire about her and even though my dad talked to her, i was so angry with her for not sending my mam for tests and pawning off her symptoms as reflux. I dont want to be like that as usually i am a calm person. I am going from crying to normal to anger.

Talk soon
Marcella

commented by jaykay
10 April 2009

5 years ago

Hi Marcella

I know how you feel my Dad was being treated for an Ulcer and reflux and he had Esophageal Cancer it wasn't until the 17th of September last year that he was admitted into Hospital that we found out, at the time the Doc in the hospital told us he had Liver Cancer ( they got that wrong to!! ) it was in fact Esophageal Cancer and he died 5 weeks later I was so angry with the world , the Docs and even my Dad for leaving us .The Crying and Anger you are experiencing are all very normal but just remember we are here on this site for you whenever you need us. I'll sign off now. Thinking of you and your family

Love and hugs Katie xxx

commented by snake-lady
10 April 2009

5 years ago

hi girls, and although im not glad for the reason youre here marcella, im pleased youve come to this site for support. as you see weve all been through much the same as yourself. my dad passed away in sept 08 and although its been 6 months now, im still very raw about it. like your mum, my dad was wrongly diagnosed too. because he had parkinsons disease all symptoms he had were put down to that. after the docs finally decided to do further tests, it was too late and he died three months after cancer was diagnosed. theres no miracle cure for the grief youre feeling at the moment, but i promise you it does get a bit easier every day. my heart goes out to you, but now youve found us, youve found friends who genuinely care and know how you are feeling. anyway, i just wanted to let you know youre not alone so will sign off for now. love and hugs to you all and your families, trisha x.

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