Close friend has barely contacted me since my diagnosis.
Hi was diagnosed with invasive ductal breast cancer in April 2022 and due to other ongoing yet to be diagnosed issues going on, I had extra tests, scans done before I had surgery last week.
A close friend has barely been in touch since my diagnosis. I had sent a few msgs without a reply until I passed her while driving and I waved at her. I got a msg to meet the next day with
our young kids for a playdate. We met up and had a chat. It was mostly me answering questions about my cancer and plan and tests etc as she hadn't been in contact prior(bar a few texts about generic kids stuff) to know what was going on. My surgery was booked for her birthday. When leaving the playdate, there was no good luck or hug or any mention of my surgery etc.
There was nice normal messages for the next 2 days about normal everyday things, kids, summer etc then nothing for 3 days.
On the day of the surgery, I was in hospital a few hours and people were messaging me with nice messages before surgery so I was replying while waiting. I sent her a little birthday gif to acknowledge her day. It was only then that she replied asking if I was in hospital already and thinking of you. I replied a short message (as nurses drs etc were in and out to me for tests and talks) saying I felt positive and calm and i told her the time I had to be in at.
I was supposed to be home that evening but due to an "episode" (reason for my extra tests etc) post surgery i was kept over night until all had settled the next day. I was sent home with 72hr holter and started on beta blockers until I'm reviewed by cardiologist in a few weeks to try figure out whats causing these spontaneous attacks.
Obviously I was in a bit of pain post op too and with extra issues I felt a bit off plus I arrived home to our 3yr old with a vomiting bug.
I got no msg from my friend until 3 days post op asking how I am, how was op, and that she didn't want to be annoying me asking how I am etc.
I replied with a shortened version of how all went including episode post surgery and result of that being that I've to be followed up by cardiologist too.
I didnt get a reply to this. I got a short msg 2 days later about a kid birthday party venue question and that's it.
Is it normal for a close friend to distant herself and avoid the whole cancer situation? Do you have advice on how I can approach this with her without causing insult or upset? I definitely dont want sympathy, I never want to be looked at with the "aw poor you" look. But I want to be able to chat about our lives, mine and hers good and bad like we used to. I feel if I leave it, that our friendship may end and I don't want that but I also don't want to put her on the stop with a straight out awkward question. I don't know if she cares, or if she doesn't know what to say or she doesn't want to know. I'm not sure what is going on to be honest. Sorry for the long post.
Thank you for listening. 💛