help...
i need advice, i dont know how to cope with my friends diagnosis,
hes 22 with lung cancer, and wont tell anyone not his family even, he confided in me.
i dont want to betray his trust but hes not coping hes trying to drink his troubles away.
he wont talk about it, or tell me any real information without knowing anything i cant find out anything, i dont know his prognosis, how sick hes going to get, it its treatable, nothing..
im afraid the worst will happen and id have known and not told his family
i cant cope with my grief and his, that sounds selfish but its true.
please tell me what i should do...
Comments
dear jen, thanks for your reply, i know its not the same as a face to face chat, but im here regularly checking in. so if you want a chat or just a shoulder then please dont hesitate to contact me love trisha x.
Hi Jen,
It is very normal to be overwhelmed by this information, particularly when you are the only person he is confiding in. You can only encourage your friend to confide in his family or more friends for support, however it is his choice not to do so. Try to understand that it is very difficult to come to terms with a cancer diagnosis, particularly if the outlook is poor and at such a young age. Your friend appears to find it difficult to talk about his diagnosis and how he is feeling. This is very normal, there is no right way to respond to a cancer diagnosis and each patient reacts differently at different times. Similarly there are no 'normal' feelings at this time. Whatever you and your friend are feeling are normal for you.
We have booklets that may help you and your friend. I have enclosed the links; http://www.cancer.ie/pdf/Useful_Information/lost_for_words_2008.pdf
and http://www.cancer.ie/pdf/Useful_Information/Who_can_ever_understand_200…. Our cancer helpline is staffed by specialist cancer nurses and it may be helpful for you or your friend to ring and discuss these issues. You can contact us on freefone 1800 200 700 (mon-thurs, 9am-7pm, fri 9am-5pm). You can also email us on helpline@irishcancer.ie. There are numerous cancer support centres and counsellors around the country that you or your friend find helpful, if you would like further information on these, please do not hesitate to contact us. Finally Jen, it is not selfish to find this situation difficult to cope with. That is a normal reaction. I would encourage you to talk to your friend and express your concerns, he may not realise how difficult it is for you.
respect his wishes till he feels ready to tell others
hi jen, im sorry about your friend, its terrible this horrible discease has hit him at so young an age. but you must respect his wishes, however you could try again to get him to tell his family himself. at the moment he is probably trying to get his own head around it and this is the only way he can, but at least hes got someone like you that he can share with. i hope this helps, trisha x.