Caring for someone with cancer
posted by martin1982
02 October 2022

Guy I care about pushing me away

Last reply: 1 month ago

Hi all,

Just reaching out for some help really. Long story short- guy I’ve known a long time has stomach cancer (recurring again, he had it before I knew him too). This summer gone by I felt myself growing close to him. We had just been friends for a few years. We went on a few dates. I could feel myself really falling for him big time. Was like I hadn’t seen what was in front of my eyes for a few years.
Anyhow, I could suddenly feel him pull away from
Me. Grow cold distant and put off any attempts to see me. It hurt. I eventually got it out of him that he was back on Chemo drugs and radiotherapy for the cancer. In his words “just a few dodgy cells”. He said he said he didn’t want to drag someone else into it all. I respect that and of course I kept in touch. Tried helping him out in little ways I could.
Fast forward to this week. I tentatively asked him how the treatment had been going. He said not sure as the treatment hasn’t appeared to improve the situation with the cancer. All through text so I don’t have a full picture and again respectfully letting him tell me what he wants to tell rather than more pressure from me. Which he does not need. Only thing is I’ve been shattered all weekend worrying and thinking about him since those words. I realise this is not about me it’s about him and I want to continue the support. I can just tell from the tone and mood of the texts he is very down beat. He suggested he may not continue with the treatment. Which I have to say absolutely floored me. Had anyone any advice or experience of anything similar?

Thanks for listening:)


1 comment


commented by lotusflower
24 October 2022

1 month ago

Hi Martin, I hope your friend is ok, it is lovely to see you supporting him. I think the not continuing treatment might just be him feeling like he has a choice or some control, or maybe he has just had enough at the moment. Maybe if you ask him if he is having counselling, I think the Irish Cancer Society can arrange that, I keep meaning to check myself, that would be helpful for him, otherwise I think it’s best to just let him know you will support him whatever decisions he makes, I’m sure his Doctors will be encouraging him to continue. Best of luck

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