Not sure what's wrong!

You talk to people when you're ready. This is about you and you're most important. It's traumatic time and you have to get your head around it all. You were probably very anxious about the prospect of having chemo and now you don't you have to deal with that as well. Talk here anytime cyber hugs xxx

Hi Wicklow lady, thanks for your reply.I think you may be right and it has also finally dawned on me there is still so much to get through with this cancer stuff.I do know though how really really lucky I am to have caught it so early and to b able to avoid chemo.Cyberhugs to you too.xx

Hi Happy Mum,
I totally relate to your experience. It is incredibly difficult to process all this crap that is thrown at us. I had the exact same experience: oncotyping revealed no need for chemo, but in my case it was a real relief which I was able to "enjoy" (for some definition of the word!!).
But then, I had two weird feelings: one, it felt as if all this cancer stuff was happening to someone else. Two, any time I had to speak about it, I was making small of it because I did not need a mastectomy or chemo - somehow, I felt a bit like a fraud.
Because my treatment was going to be reasonably low key, I made the choice to speak about it to very, very few people - only those strictly necessary in work, and only my own family and close friends. Even my husband's family don't know because they have enough on their plate with their own health issues.
All the above did not really leave me in a place where I felt bad, I was able to keep my head reasonably together.
However, even now, something in the back of my head tells me that I probably needed to discuss this a bit more openly.
Anyway, all this to say you're not going nuts, you are trying your best to process some damned difficult stuff.
During treatment, I was offered psychological support, and did not avail of it, because I genuinely did not feel the need. Maybe you should explore that? It is generally easier to explain your feelings to an outsider who knows what you are going through, and it may help you communicate with your loved ones when you're good and ready?
I wish you the best. This is not easy!
Catherine

Hi happymum,

I know exactly what you are going through. Its incredibly confusing and overwhelming when you receive test results. My situation is a bit different to yours, I've secondary breast cancer, I'm on chemo all the time and I get scanned every 3 months. Every time I get results I feel so anxious. Back in December I got results and It wasn't great It has spread to my bones and I didn't tell anyone either just immediate family. Even though I am very open in talking about my illness. Just feel sometimes not everyone has to know everything! Its not going to make any difference to them, the less people know sometimes the better. When I was first diagnosed, I felt when I met someone I was telling them exactly what was going on. It was exhausting and with help through counselling she helped me see that not everyone needed to know all the ins and outs of my treatment.

I go for regular counselling in my local cancer support centre. I find it excellent, its talking to someone that is outside of the whole situation. it helps me deal with my feelings and helps me cope with my every day life. Being on chemo all the time, I need a lot of support and help all the time. As Catherine said the hospitals offer psychological support to those that need it. In my experience I think most people would benefit from counselling after cancer diagnosis. Even one session or a chat with an outsider might really help you. Its a very difficult experience were all going through here we need all the help and support we can get!

Best of luck with everything
Ellie

Hi Catherine and Ellie,

Thank you so much for your replys, you have know idea how glad I am to hear I am not going nuts!I too felt that I had only a bit of breast cancer as I was detected so early and also the other issue in my family is my husbands only sister is in hospice with an inoperable brain tumour ,she was diagnosed only 2 months before me .she is only 41, so in comparison to her I felt mine was only "a bit of cancer".I have played it down so much and didn't feel I had anything to complain or even a right to complain about anything.We live very near both families so it was very hard to keep it from everyone as at that time we were trying to bring her home for overnights and afternoons so I had to tell why I couldn,t help for a while.It's so hard to know what's the right thing to do re telling people ,we told close family and very good friends and eventually it got to to others so when people ask how am i doing? I just say fine and leave it at that .There is a cancer support centre near me but I haven't felt able to go there yet and till now didn't think I "qualified" to go, how stupid is that.I agree Ellie it's exhausting ,overwhelming,confusing every little issue seems to bother me at the moment.A trip to a deserted island sounds lovely at the moment especially if they threw in some good weather! Thanks again ladies Catherine, Ellie and Wicklow Lady for all your help.I follow all your threads here and am delighted to be able to talk to you all,it feels like a little family where we can reveal ourselves without the issues that sometimes come up with families- does that make sense.My poor husband I think has been locked out by me , I have been so aware of the trauma going on in his family who are very close and thought I could handle this on my own , I haven't told him how difficult I am finding things, might have to change that.Ellie good luck with your continued treatment,will keep you in my toughts. Ye are all an inspiration to keep going and we will get through this "inconvenient blip" in our lives .xx

Hi Happymum

Sorry to hear you are feeling down.. When in the same situation I took a totally different approach and after my diagnosis was confirmed I went into work & called a meeting and told everyone! I wanted it to be out in the open so that there would be no need for whispering or feeling people had to 'hush' when I walked into the room. It also meant that I naturally talked about it more openly and there's no doubt this helped immensely. Your family situation (your sister in law being so ill) is no doubt weighing on you heavily but you do need to be kind to yourself & making light of how you feel will only catch up with you in the end .. I agree with Catherine that if you have the opportunity to get some psychological support it might help you see things more clearly. For now try to take comfort from the fact that you have been spared at least one nasty piece of treatment I too send you cyber hugs by the bucketful
Resolute x

I think there are two different issues here and I too have experienced them. Not having to have chemo is of course a great relief, but it also brings about ambivalent feelings. Am I not a real cancer patient too?
Why tell anybody when I have hair and have to cope with the reactions of people who will tell me how lucky I am, when I don't feel lucky at all.

There is also a sort of survivor guilt when you have a small tumour and don't need chemo. You feel angry that you have cancer, but guilty about the anger because other people are so much worse.

I found it so hard telling my husband and adult children about my diagnosis that I just couldn't face telling other people.

Please forgive the rant!

Active

Hi Resolute and Active, thanks for your words.It is so good to hear from both of you,ye have all touched on everything I have been feeling.Do feel better today to be honest and reading your words really helps.Will think about going to the support group in the next few weeks.Enjoy the weekend.Hugs to all.xxx

Active
I absolutely agree with you about telling your family, that was the hardest thing I had to do and I felt so guilty that I was bringing all this onto them.. My daughter was preparing for her leaving cert and although she said she was grand about it she wasn't as we later found out I remember wondering as I drove home that day.. was there anyway I could spare them (but of course there isn't..) .. You're also correct about the guilt of only having a 'little bit' of cancer, but at the end of the day we all need to be as kind to ourselves as we can and just try and get through it the best way we can
How are things for you at the moment? What stage are you at with your treatment?
Resolute x

Just started on Letrozale this weekend. It will 'eradicate'any oestrogen I have left. Had to have a DXA bone scan this morning as medication can thin bones.Not sleeping too well since taking new tablet.Night sweats again.Keep imagining my joints are stiff during the night! Made the mistake of reading the incredibly long list of side effects that came with tablets.
My brain had begun functioning more clearly in 3 weeks between end of radiotherapy and beginning hormone therapy. Afraid if sleep probs persist brain will be back in a haze of memory lapses and tiredness and disorganisation again.

Active.

Resolute,

Forgot to include in last post that I registered with ARC house early on. I just went in a couple of times.It's a very relaxing place.Once you register, all your family can use the facilities too. I told my daughters about it and even though they didn't go there , I think they liked the idea that they could avail of things like free yoga etc.It made me feel good to be able to tell them there was somewhere they could go if they needed to.
I was told in ARC house that there are usually more family members there than patients!

Active.

Morning Active!

Firstly I hope that the side effects you have at the moment (night sweats and stiffness) settle down and that all goes well for you on Letrozale.. it really is bad enough to deal with everything else and then just when we think the road ahead is clear... we start the hormone therapy

Where is ARC house? It sounds like a great place, is it in Dublin? Thankfully my daughter has now settled, she saw a councillor (a lovely lady) and then in the end she also deferred her college place until September to give her some 'mental space' .. I think that subconsciously she didn't want to stay away from home in case anything 'changed for the worse' while she was away... and boy did I feel 'massive' guilt thinking that I had dropped this bomb on them all

Anyway you take care & thanks
Resolute x

Hi Everyone

Im new to this forum and have been looking in from the outside feeling a bit shy about joining in. However I cannot praise ye all enough for the great advice that I have seen and used. My story so far : diagnosed Oct 14 from a mammogram (age 53), wide local excision Nov ,re excision Dec to get clearer margins. Ended up with a seroma and infection after the that. Thankfully that cleared after a few days. Started radiotherapy Jan x33. Still ongoing but going well.

In answer to the last post I know that ARC in Dublin are in Eccles St and South Circular rd. I also think that they might be in Cork. That being the case they may be in other locations in the country. I havent be there myself but saw a leaflet that they produced. They provide a range of services like counselling, acupunture bio energy healing etc .Hope this helps.
Daffy

Hi Daffy,
Sorry to hear you had to join the group but Like you I am newly diagnosed also mid december, but at the same time I too am so delighted to come across this wonderful support network.It's so good to be able to chat and know everyone here understands what you are going through.I hope you r getting on ok with the radiotherapy ,I haven't started mine yet,hopefully will in the next 2 weeks.Best of luck with rest of treatment.
Happymum.

Dear Happy Mum,

Having recently finished radiotherapy, I would like to pass on a few things that helped me . Equip yourself with what you will need before radiotherapy starts.The hospital will recommend moisturisers and deodorant. I used aqueous cream .Towards end of treatment when aqueous cream wasn't enough I cleared it with my consultant that I could also use pure aloe vero gel. Stocked in Health shops , it needs to be 100 per cent pure. I also bought a couple of Aloe Vero plants which consultant said would be even better.You just squeeze out the gel from leaves and apply.It's great for burns too.

You are recommended to wear cotton tops.I bought a few extra large mens sleeveless vests/t shirts in Penneys ( I am size 14 normally).Extra large are good and loose and I kept them on,with shoulders slipped off,during treatment.Once machine was finished I pulled up shoulder straps again .You have a lot more dignity than in those dreadful gowns.Your are also warmer.

Re the crystal deodorant recommended,read instructions before use.You need to apply to wet skin, or else wet the deodrant stick first.If used dry it hurts when you try to apply!

Active.

Hi Active, thanks so much for your advice,so happy to receive it. I am in tomorrow for my C T scan.Will be so glad to get on the road for treatment .Will pop in to penneys to get the tops, definitely sounds better than wearing the " sexy gowns" they offer you.I will keep you posted as to how things go.

regards,
Happymum.

Hi Happy!
Active's advice is very good indeed, but not everyone has major skin problems with RT. I bought some very soft cotton bras online which I was able to wear throughout - though I did RT treatment naked from the waist up - I didn't find dignity issue a problem (only concession in James' was a length of paper towel anyway! ), but then I'm not very self conscious, and others may differ.
I was able to keep running, using sports bras I sourced from the same online place (I think commercial references are frowned upon here, so if you want to PM me, I'll give you the reference) without damage to skin, despite my radiation oncologist's dire warning about friction. I used the suck it and see principles, which the radiotherapy technicians encouraged me to stay with.
I agree with Active re. aqueous cream, and lashings of it - in fact, it is my all over body moisturiser to this day. Also, perfume free shower gels. If things do get hairy, the nurses in radio therapy were very clear that they have brilliant dressings, and lots of them - so keep an eye on your skin, and stay in touch with the nurses and the technicians. I found them brilliant, and incredibly supportive - to the point that I was quite tearful on my last treatment day (how sick is that!!). The only bother I had was a very itchy rash about a week after I finished, and I was given steroid cream for a week which cleared it up. Nearly 5 month after finishing treatment, my right boob is still a different colour, but its texture is slowly starting to feel more normal.
Good luck with RT, happy, it doesn't have to be quite as traumatic as so many other aspects of breast cancer treatment, and I hope you get as easy a ride as I did!
Catherine

PS - you may want to stock up on stain removers (the pink tub, to avoid commercial references!!). Despite the little tattooed marks between your boobs and either side, the technicians almost always use markers to line you up on the RT table every day. I had my work cut out getting that out of bras and blouses - I kept working throughout, so could not very well turn up in old t-shirts . But the pink tub does do the trick!
Catherine

Morning Catherine,
Great to hear from you.I have started using aqueous cream since surgery in December on advice from surgeon and getting on great with it , will stay with this from now on all going well.Perfume free shower gel have it also , have picked up so many tips from ye all , its just great.Very interested to hear re cotton bras ,picked up some cheap sports bras in penneys to get me over first few weeks after surgery but would like to invest in better ones now and cotton seems to be the way to go isn't it.I walk every day ,have been for years and due to very bad back just can't run so stick to my 5 k evey day so will PM you re online address thanks.I laughed at your " pink tub " reference but will put it on my shopping list today, have started going back shopping online with Tesco lately so will put it in, anything that makes life and time factor easier bring it on.Had better sign off as I will end up being late for my C T scan. Thanks again Catherine.

Regards,
Happymum.

Hi Happymum,
Having read your post and the responses from other members, I felt someone had just verbalised all the crazy, exhausting thoughts that have been going through my mind. I too thought I had only "a bit of cancer" and I thought I was coping fine. I thought I was fine though-out the surgery and radiation. I am on tamoxifen and the effects of that have now settled down. However I have a lot of pain around my breast bone and right rib so I have to go for a bone scan next week. Sleep is so unpredictable. Now I am becoming so fed up and down that I cry to myself a lot more. My poor husband is fantastic in trying to cope with his crazy wife. I am just exhausted and tired of feeling "not myself". I hope thinks improve for you. This messageboard is great for expressing your emotions and ideas without all the every day complications.
Take care of yourself,
Michele

Hello Michele,

Iam so sorry to hear you are having a rough time at the moment. I have been reading through all the threads here and the one thing that I keep coming upon is just how much Cancer can mess with your head albeit in different ways and it hits us all at different times.I never realised this until I found myself in this situation, some days I don't even think about it and other days it's the first thought I wake up with .I too have become very emotional .I so agree with Stargazers quote that it is close family and friends who are the most challenging to deal with.The me they see on the outside and the me I feel on the inside are so different.It is so difficult for you when you are not getting sleep due to pain , I really hope that improves for you. I am starting radiotherapy on Wednesday so fingers crossed all will go well.Talk anytime and take it easy on yourself.

Happymum.

Happymum is right, Michele, the thing that breast cancer does to us all is [color=#BF0040:3tn1fdee]mess with our heads[/color:3tn1fdee]! The trouble is that people often expect us to 'get over it' and 'move on' when we're just not able to. I keep on recommending a book that I came across that made me feel that the emotions I am feeling are normal. It's called [i:3tn1fdee]Emotional support through breast cancer[/i:3tn1fdee] by a psychologist who's had it herself, called Dr Cordelia Galgut. I keep it with me to look at when I'm feeling bad and it reminds me that I'm not mad! If you're into reading, you might like to take a look at it and see what you think.
Love,
Kazey x