In memory
posted by jaykay
04 November 2008

To the most wonderful Da in the world xxxx

Last reply: 5 years ago

Hi Ya Da,

It feels like forever since I spoke to you but it’s only been 12 days , the night you left I was in complete shock Da cause I just would not let myself believe that you were leaving me . There are so many thoughts going on in my head at the moment which I am sure you are aware of cause I can feel you around me a lot of the time and I think the times that I am scared you have just gone to check on the rest of the clan to make sure they are ok too. It feels so strange not seeing you Wil , I hope you knew that I was there with you when you had to leave and I hope that you weren’t scared Da and didn’t have any pain.

I’m trying to fill my head with happy memories Da and not sad ones Like the baileys coffees god that was so funny Da and when you brought me out for my 10th Birthday and bought me the Snow white and seven dwarfs washing game ye know the little basin and washing line and the little scrubbing board you probably don’t remember it Da but the reason I do was you were swinging my arm and singing and I begged you to stop cause I was scarlet funny how you remember these small things isn’t it.

It was so hard to say goodbye to you da and If I seemed distant and quiet it was only because you wouldn’t of wanted me to make a scene in your words ( stop making a show of me ) through gritted teeth ha! Ha!

Does it seem that that I act normal a lot of the time Da and I don’t miss you ? cause you do know that , that’s just me trying to block the pain of loosing you out of my head cause I reckon if I let all the emotions in Da I will just go to pieces.

We are all looking after Ma for you and doing our best to keep her spirits up and she has been so strong for all of us just as you would have been.

I’m gonna sign off now Da but just always remember that I love you so so much and I’ll always be your Kate.

I love you always and Forever

Love Katie xxxxxx

8 comments

Comments

commented by snake-lady
07 November 2008

5 years ago

what a lovely tribute to a wonderful dad, it has brought a tear to my eye. i know youre still raw pet, but we are still here for you so just shout when you want us, love and hugs, trisha x.

commented by jaykay
07 November 2008

5 years ago

Hi Trisha
Thank you so much , I wrote the letter to Da because it was what I was feeling and wanted to let him know it made me feel close to him , I talk to him quite a lot these days and sometimes I hear him in my head answering. Since Da died I have had this feeling in the pit of my stomach like a fear it's very hard to explain as it's not a fear of Da. It still seems unreal that he has died cause I always felt he would live forever as i'm sure you have felt the same about your Dad . Mam gave me Da's wedding ring as myself and my boyfriend are planning on getting married next year and I will have da's ring sized and it will be my wedding ring so it will feel like I have him with me on my special day. How are you doing and how is your Mam I hope she is doing okay. Thanks for keeping in touch . Love Katie xxx

commented by snake-lady
08 November 2008

5 years ago

dear katie, the fear youre feeling isnt fear of your dad [like you said], but its the fear that hes not gonna be around anymore to help you sort things in your life, or watch your lifes achievements, but mostly its a fear that you wont see or touch him again. i know this as thats how it was for me when my dad died. its my b/day today and im feeling down as this is the first ive had that dad wasnt here for. things have got a little easier for me, and it will for you too. you never forget, but you learn to live with it. i still have days when i burst into tears for a thought ive had. dont hold it in if you need to cry, sometimes a good cry is the best medicine. thats lovely about your dads wedding band, and a great way to have him with you on your wedding day, im sure he would be very proud of you. you know im here if you need me, take care and lots of love, trisha x.

commented by SarahJ
10 November 2008

5 years ago

Hi Katie

That was a lovely letter you wrote to your dad. I talk to my dad a lot as well it makes me feel like somehow he is still in my life even though he is gone. I know what you mean about fear, like Trisha said its the fear of living your life without your dad. Its hard to understand I know but we have all felt it. Its still very new for you as it is for all of us but hopefully it will start to get a bit easier. Its good that we are all here for each other and know what the other person is going through. Its lovely that you will have your dad wedding band the day you get married. Take Care.
Sarah

commented by jaykay
10 November 2008

5 years ago

Hi Trisha & Sarah

Happy belated B-day Trisha I hope your doing okay. xxxxx I'm glad it's not only me that has this fear as it won't leave me I woke at 3am this morning and could not go back to sleep my partner Joe tried everything to help me back to sleep but there was too much going on in my head so I ended up lying in bed watching tv, I do think that I also have a fear that Dad may come to me and i'm not ready for that oh i'm not too sure my head is very mixed up at the moment, It's good to have you's to talk to and as you's are going through the same it's easier to relate too. Talk later Love Katie xxxx

commented by SarahJ
10 November 2008

5 years ago

Hi Katie

I completely understand. I found it so hard to get to sleep as well and even now there are nights I wake as well I'm the middle of the night. I have so much going on in my head all the memories of my dad, his last few months alive and the day he died, it won't go away. Its so hard. Hopefully with time things will get easier for all of us, we will never forget but maybe it will be easier to live with.

commented by jen
22 December 2008

5 years ago

katie its the perfect tribute
my heart goes out to u jen x

commented by jaykay
23 December 2008

5 years ago

Hi Jen

Thank you so much I hope you have a peaceful Christmas and when that bell rings 12 on new years eve do as I am doing open the door wide and kick 2008 out and embrace 2009 with all your heart please god it will be a much better year for all of us

Take Care
Love Katie xxx

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