How do I help?

January 28, 2010 - 20:09

Hi everyone.

I have been reading this forum for a few months now, but didn't really have the courage to post. Its a pity there aren't more people here, as there must be so many of us out here with family going through this awful disease and it can be very hard to cope with.

My dad has lung cancer. The treatment is really taking its toil on him. The family are devastated and trying to cope but its hard to know whats the right thing to say and do half the time. I wondered if there was anyone else out there going through the same. I feel upset alot, and very guilty. And helpless. It would be great to hear from anyone else who can understand.

I don't want to go into anymore detail just yet.

Thanks for reading.

January 28, 2010 - 21:26

Hi - can only give you advice from a patients perspective, but it's important I would think to try to continue as normal. It might sound a bit silly but when you are going through something like cancer, it can be very surreal and really the drill and routine of treatment and being in hospital is what you think about, and trying to continue your life as normal as possible, is important. Probably a little bit different for me as I was younger when I was having treatment, whereas your Dad is obviously of a certain age. However, I'd still say the same - spend as much time as you can with him when he's in hospital and plan for as many things as you can, for when he is better. Hope it goes well. Marianne.

February 8, 2010 - 01:48

Hi there Mondays.
I went through lung cancer with both parents just over 4 yrs ago with mam and 2 yrs ago with dad, they say lightning doesent strike twice but it did and it seems to be hitting again the 3rd time, docs found a tumor in my lung over a year ago and they are keeping an eye on it. I want them to remove it because I have seen both parents die from it. But getting back to you, regardless to everything you try and spend every minute you have wit your dad, life is short, I realy hope he makes a full recovery. Watching Vincent Brown the other nite there was some cancer sufferers on it and they reckon because they have medical cards they were left at the bottom of the pile and I think they are right because I have a medical card. If I had money i would have been looked after straight away. Dont listen to any cock and bull from thoese docs, you make sure that your dad gets 100% care and attention.

February 8, 2010 - 16:07

Marianne and brnhrt45 thank you both so much for replying.

Its good to get it from your perspectives as with dad Im not convinced he is telling us how he is really feeling. That makes me feel sad that he is trying to cope with it all alone but it may just be his way of dealing with things.

You both have just brought home the point that we need to be spending as much time as possible with him because as much as we dont like thinking about it he wont be around forever. I suppose we have been guilty of trying to keep everything so bloody normal that we are kind of in denial that dad is actually sick.

He is really feeling the effects of the chemo at the moment and his mood is very up and down. He is losing weight rapidly and seems angry this week.

brnhrt45, your story is devasting and shocking. What a tragedy for you to lose both parents to this awful disease, and now you yourself have it. Life isnt fair at all. You sound angry too and I dont blame you. I didnt see Vincent Browne but would have been interested to watch it. Dad is on a medical card too and honestly Im sure it does affect appointments. Everything about the cancer process seems to take weeks and weeks and weeks and there can be alot of miscommunication between departments etc. Dad has been told some contradictory things, this makes him and us very anxious because you dont know what to believe and it makes you wonder what else is going on.

Its a very upsetting time.

brnhrt, I truly hope you can get some satisfaction from your doctors about your treatment. Are you having chemo or radiotherapy for it? I wish you all the very best. Thanks again for replying. It helps talking to others who are affected.

February 10, 2010 - 21:43

Hi Monday's.
I dont know what treatment I will be getting, this too changes from each visit to the doc. The last thing was discussed was to remove the tumor and give kemo and radium treatment, i dont know yet, tell you the truth i would take every treatment this minute to get rid of it. Lately since the did the biopsy in the lung I have constant pressure in the area of my back just outside the lung, I think the way the doc replied to me when I told him, i think he doesent believe me, but it is my body and I know every inch of it. Its all about money with thoese people who think they can play GOD? I most sinceraly pray that your dad fights this dreadful, miserable disease.
thank you
B.H.

February 1, 2012 - 14:47

Hi there

Myself and a few friends are dealing with something similar. A friend at work is going through a second round of chemo due to reoccurrence of her cancer. She is coming into work between treatment, but is not sleeping, is not eating and looks very tired and unwell. We have offered help anywhere we can, but she doesn't seem to want it, yet it is very hard to see and hear what she is going through. We know it's because she is fighting this, and wants some sort of normality but we can't help but feel she is trying too hard!
Any advice? Thanks.

Quote:

Hi everyone.

I have been reading this forum for a few months now, but didn't really have the courage to post. Its a pity there aren't more people here, as there must be so many of us out here with family going through this awful disease and it can be very hard to cope with.

My dad has lung cancer. The treatment is really taking its toil on him. The family are devastated and trying to cope but its hard to know whats the right thing to say and do half the time. I wondered if there was anyone else out there going through the same. I feel upset alot, and very guilty. And helpless. It would be great to hear from anyone else who can understand.

I don't want to go into anymore detail just yet.

Thanks for reading.

February 4, 2012 - 17:34

hi mondays, mydad was diagnosed with melanoma cancer in october, i will never forget the shock in all my life. that first week we were numb. my mother kept breaking down and i was holding her up telling her it would be all right, when i did not really feel it myself. I was coming home where my kids still had to be looked after , the house still had to be cleaned and life still had to go on. I think i was on the verge of losing it when i came on this site and started to get support from someone whose daughter had the same thing. i was able to get all my fears out to him and because as a family they had been through it he was able to talk me through each stage and each ups and downs. i was then able to go back to my parents and support them. they at first did not want to know any info, but as i got stronger in myself i started to talk to my dad about what was going on, what was going to happen next etc. once we started talking things did not seem so scary, and we became more positive. my dad was told he was clear last week after two ops , the first one was not a success. so, i know exactly how you feel. the fear and the upset that this has happened to your lovely dad. we never want to lose them. try and stay positive even when you get a set back, things can still work out. i wii be thing of you and your family, goodluck, Rosegarden