Dealing with a terminally ill parent

COPING WITH A TERMINALLY ILL PARENT-MY STORY
Everyones experience in this situation will be different , I simply want to put my story out there so you know you are not alone in this and maybe give you some things to think about as you go through your experience.
My mother Dorothy was diagnosed in May 2007.She had previously suffered from cancer around 10 years previous. I could not believe my ears, cancer again so many years later?It couldnt be true.
But sadly it was and so followed what became and what will become for you reading this, a tough time ahead. Put simply thats what it is.
Knowing what I know now because Ive gone through it in my own family and have come out the other side, there are things that Im proud of myself for and things I regret so Im am writing this so that you don’t have the same regrets as me.
From the moment the oncologist speaks those feared words, you may find yourself go into automatic, which is what happened in my case. There was not much time to think about the finality of the situation or to get morbid about it-I automatically knew that it was all about making my mother happy and as comfortable as possible while we had her.Obviously there will be days when all you want to do is cry all day long and by all means, do. I always did this out of eye and earshot from my mother as seeing me cry would once again bring home the finality of it all.
SPEND AS MUCH TIME AS YOU CAN WITH HIM/HER:
Luckily my employers allowed me to decrese my hours so I was able to spend more time with her. I truly cherished every second with her. I would lie in bed beside her and even though, just talking about mundane things such as the local gossip, it filled a hole in the day for her and made me happy to think that even for just those few minutes, I was able to temporarily take her mind off her illness. Even when there was nothing to say, I just laid beside her and hugged her and held her hand and that bond is something Ill never forget.Those are the moments that I cherish now looking back. There was no need for words, she knew that I was there for her and I knew that she deeply appreciated my time for her.
At the time, for myself personally, I tried to prepare myself for the inevitable by reading leaflets on dying and grieving etc. While these are all truly helpful, I think that a leaflet from the heart such as this may have helped me a bit more at the time as its personal.Afterall,I am just a normal 28 year old woman from a small rural part of Limerick with just my experience to base this on.
MY ONLY REGRET:
Even though I am so proud of myself for the way I coped with her illness at the time and I guess, for the way I am coping today, what I do regret is not finding out more about her while I could. And now that shes gone, there are 101 questions that I think of everyday that I would have loved to know about her. Like her life growing up, her first boyfriend, school, her wedding day, coping with four children and of course the big one-how she felt about her illness. While some terminally ill patients may have no trouble expressing their feelings and I admire them if they do, my mother was a quiet woman who never spoke of her illness and who never wanted to “burden” her children with any of her problems and I feel now that I should have encouraged her to speak more.
I am so sorry for you reading this as I know what an intense and scary time it is for you and your family right now and most especially for your mother/father. Unfortunately in life, you have to deal with the cards you have been dealt and although cruel and unfair, right now is a good time to assess yourself, I bet already you are alot stronger than what you thought you were. You just dont know it yet.
Please live for the moment right now with your mother/father.
Hug him/her, kiss him/her,love him/her, help him/her, live for him/her. Take family photos,laugh together, cry together and never ever forget that you exist because of them.
My thoughts are prayers are with you all.
Sarah Dunne.