Caring for someone with metastatic (advanced) cancer

If your loved one is diagnosed with metastatic or advanced cancer, it means that a cure is no longer possible. However, being diagnosed with advanced cancer doesn’t necessarily mean that your loved one will die soon. Some people live for a long time with advanced cancer.

Some people with advanced cancer will need very little practical or medical support, especially early on in their illness or if their cancer is not affecting their daily life too much.

But they may need emotional support and a listening ear to try to come to terms with their diagnosis. Read more about giving emotional support and talking to someone with cancer here:

Giving emotional care

Talking to someone with cancer

You might also find our booklets Understanding the emotional effects of cancer and Caring for someone with cancer useful if you are giving emotional support to someone with advanced cancer. 

Advanced cancer can cause side-effects that can be distressing and affect day-to-day life. For example, breathlessness, fatigue or pain. 

Ways you can help with medical care: 

• Learn about the causes of side-effects and the treatments available. This can help you to reassure your loved one and support them in getting the medical care they need.
• Encourage your loved one to tell their medical team about any side-effects they have so that they can get help.
• Attend appointments with them. Help them to ask questions and take notes.
• Make sure they take any medications they are prescribed.
• Ask your doctor or hospital team about how to get palliative care support. The palliative care team are experts at managing the symptoms of advanced cancer.

You might feel anxious or reluctant to talk to your loved one about how they might like to be looked after if their cancer progresses. You may be afraid of upsetting them, as well as yourself.

But some people find it puts their mind at rest to have plans in place and sort out legal and practical matters, even though they still hope to live for a long time. 

Planning ahead may include:

• Deciding how they feel about different types of medical treatment, including if they might want to stop treatment at any stage or carry on for as long as possible.
• Writing an advance care directive. This is where a person can write down their wishes about medical care. Doctors can use this if the person is not well enough to say what they want.
• Picking someone to make medical decisions using an advance healthcare directive if they are not well enough (this person is called a ‘designated healthcare representative’).
• Making a will.
• Thinking about any preferences about end-of-life care, such as whether they prefer to stay at home, if possible, or in a hospital or hospice. 

Your loved one may not wish to talk to you about these issues. They may prefer to talk to someone else who is not as emotionally involved with their care, such as a solicitor, GP, or a medical social worker. 

Many people are frightened when they hear the word 'palliative' because they think this means the patient will die soon. Palliative care does include end-of-life care, but it is not just for people at the end of their lives.

What is palliative care?

Palliative care is care given to patients to improve their symptoms and quality of life. The palliative care team are experts in helping patients and their loved ones cope with the emotional and physical effects of advanced cancer. 

It's a good idea to ask about palliative care early on, so that symptoms are better controlled and potential problems kept in check. It also means you will have extra support. 

More information about palliative care

Your GP or public health nurse can tell you what specialist palliative care services are available locally.

We have more information about palliative care. You can also speak to a Cancer Nurse by calling our Support Line on 1800 200 700 or by visiting a Daffodil Centre.

As a carer, you may need to give end-of-life care to your loved one. This may be very difficult for you, both emotionally and practically.

It’s important to connect with services that can give you support.

Who can help me with end-of-life care?

Your GP is your first point of contact if your loved one needs care at home. They can help you to organise the other services that you will need. For example, homecare nurses, the public health nurse and hospice care, if it is needed.

The Irish Cancer Society Night Nursing Service provides a night nurse for end-of-life care at home. The service is free and available for up to 10 nights.

Our booklet, A time to care – Caring for someone seriously ill at home, has information and advice to support you. It includes information on personal care, the Night Nursing service and useful organisations. You can download it below or get a free copy at a Daffodil Centre or by calling our Support Line on 1800 200 700.