Taking care of yourself

This will help you prioritise the important things.

For example, Family Carers Ireland has a number of online courses to help carers. These cover topics such as self-care, nutrition and how to cope with carer burnout.

See www.familycarers.ie for more information.

Family meetings can make sure everyone knows what’s happening and is working together to form a plan. You could also ask the medical social worker at the hospital for advice about family meetings. 

Trying to organise help from other carers may feel like another job to do. You may feel it’s easier to do everything yourself. But the more you take on, the more people may believe that you can handle
things alone and that they’re not needed.

Including other people from the start and having a plan in place can make things much easier in the long run.

A care plan is a written description of the type of care your loved one needs. This could include:

• What your loved one needs at different times of the day. For example, medications or changes of dressings (plasters/bandages)
• What kind of food and drink they like and anything they should avoid
• What to do and who to call in an emergency

Having a written care plan makes it easier for the person doing the caring. It can also put your mind at rest if you feel nervous about handing care over to someone else. 

For more about how to make a care plan, you could read our booklet, Caring for someone with cancer.

You shouldn’t have to do everything on your own – it's OK to ask for help. If you are finding it hard being a carer, tell your family members and friends. Even if you feel you are coping well, it’s still a good idea to share out the work from the start, so that you don’t get worn out and you get to have a little time to yourself.

If you don’t have other people to help, talk to your GP or the medical social worker at the hospital to see if any help is available.

How to get help

• Make the first move – don’t wait for others to offer
• Be specific about what help you need
• Say thanks

If you find it hard to ask for help, try starting with small favours. You could ask someone to pick up a
few items of shopping for you or to sit with your loved one while you pop out for a few minutes. Getting people involved in a small way and letting them know how much you appreciate them can encourage them to help again.

It’s important to take some time away from caring, even if it’s only for a short while each day. Try to do this from the start, even if you feel you are coping. For example, if you can’t leave your loved one, you could ask a neighbour to come in for half an hour while you go for a walk or a cup of coffee.

Try to meet up with friends or family regularly and carry on with your hobbies or interests if you can.

Some people find it useful to keep a journal and write down how they are feeling. Or try to talk to someone. It's important to have support from friends, family members and others that you can turn to when you are tired and stressed.

Try to plan outings and meetings that don't involve discussing your loved one.

It's OK to want a break.

Being a carer is a wonderful achievement. You are giving so much of yourself to help your loved one at a very difficult time in their life. If you have a tough day, remind yourself of this. 

Self-care means looking after yourself – physically and emotionally. It’s about being kind to yourself, knowing that you are important and doing things that make you feel good and positive – without feeling guilty!

Being a carer isn’t always easy – you're doing the best you can.

When someone you care about is unwell, all your attention may be on them. But it’s important to remember to look after your own health and wellbeing, so that you can cope with the demands of being a carer. Here are some tips:

• Eat well – make sure to include plenty of fruit and vegetables.
• Get enough sleep – take naps if you’re tired or ask someone to give you a break at night if you need it. Even if you cannot sleep, try to lie down and rest.
• Take some exercise – a 30-minute walk can boost your energy, lift your mood, keep you fit and give you a break.
• Avoid using drugs not prescribed for you or drinking alcohol as a way to relax. These can lead to poor quality sleep, anxiety and general unwellness the next day. If you are on medication for anxiety or sleeping difficulties, stick to the prescribed dose. Talk to your GP if you feel these aren’t working for you. 
• Manage stress – try exercising, sharing your feelings or techniques such as mindfulness or meditation. If you are feeling very stressed, speak to a healthcare professional or a carer's organisation, such as Family Carers Ireland (www.familycarers.ie)
• Get health problems checked out early. If you feel unwell or feel you're not coping it’s important to go to the GP and get things sorted sooner rather than later. 
• Protect yourself from injuries, for example when you're lifting or moving the person you're caring for, or equipment.

Talk to your GP if you need support or are finding it hard to cope. As well as providing you with medical care, they can refer you to services to support you, such as occupational therapy, public/community health nursing, home care packages and palliative care.

Medical social workers are trained to help patients and their families
with their emotional and practical needs. They can also give advice
on social welfare benefits, financial and family matters, and practical
supports and services available to you.

They can also advise and assist in relation to concerns about adult safeguarding, child protection and welfare, and domestic violence. 

Medical social workers can also help you access other helpful services. For example, arranging home supports, supporting applications to other agencies and advocating on behalf of the person with cancer and their family. They can also assist in arranging nursing home care if it is no longer possible to care for your loved one at home.

There are lots of local cancer support centres that provide a range of helpful services to carers, as well as to people with cancer. Visit Local Cancer Support Centres to find your nearest centre.

Support groups give you the chance to get a break from caring and meet people in a similar situation. You can give each other support, share feelings, information and advice and learn from each other’s experiences.

There are general support groups for carers as well as support groups for specific types of cancer. You might also feel supported by being part of a general social or community group, such as your local Men’s Shed, Women's Shed, an active retirement group or a volunteer or charitable group. 

Sometimes it can be hard to talk to the people closest to you. A counsellor who is not involved in your situation can help you to express your feelings, worries and fears. Counselling can give you emotional support, help you to make decisions and learn ways to cope better, as well as offering you some space and time to focus on yourself. 

The Irish Cancer Society funds professional one-to-one counselling for people affected by cancer, including carers. Find out more about our Counselling Service. 

Some HSE oncology services provide counselling and psycho-oncology services to carers as well as patients. There are also online counselling services.

For some people spiritual and religious beliefs can bring comfort and hope. Practices such as prayer or meditation may help you to focus on what has value and meaning in your life. Your local church or religious centre may also have a social or support group.