Stage 4 Young Moms

Well done. You are doing great so don't be beating yourself up about not being able to do it all. You will again when your body has recovered from the treatment.
I was diagnosed 4 years ago and the kids were 6,5 and 3. I gave up work immediately as I knew what ever energy I had I wanted to spend it on being well when the kids were around. So I got up in the morning, got them out to school or playschool and then crashed for the few hours that they were away. It meant that I was able to manage the evening shift of homework and dinner and lunch boxes and bedtime...and then I crashed as soon as they were asleep! I had to learn to let go of the high expectations I had in terms of keeping the place gleaming and had to let others help...which was easier said than done having been 38 years of being a clean freak before this! I did consider getting a cleaner, but as my husband said, I would have ended up cleaning the house before the cleaner came! So we muddled through. I was lucky that my husband works shifts so was often there to help out with the kids, shopping, housework, etc. If your situation is different I would say to get a cleaner if it means it saves your energy for doing the things you really want to do. When I did think I was ready to go back to work it was , in hindsight, too soon. I soon crashed...literally in the office....and have been out since but have learned a valuable lesson (again!) in that I have to listen to what my body is telling me. If being at work works for you that is fantastic but then cut yourself some slack and get the cleaner!
Wishing you well. Xxx

Hi Evelyn. Get the cleaner! I muddled on for years.....best thing I did was get one. ..and DON'T clean up beforehand!

Phone that cleaner NOW!
Don't know how you are managing everything.
You are much younger than moi! But be gentle with yourself.I ave only one child[aged 10] but cut down on too many after school activities.Let's face it-Not too many ballet dancers hailed from rural Galway!

Also feel guilty replying to a young mum's post as I am anything but young but I feel very isolated as have no contact with anyone in the real world as opposed to the virtual world with Stage 4 diagnosis.
All other friends were fortunate and did not have a recurrence but hey that's it.
However the next one who says to me that you could fall under a bus at any minute will be pushed under selfsame bus!

Avril. I think we probably all feel isolated as stage 4 women. I dint know if you are in Dublin but Arc are running a'course'for stage 4. Is more info than support but might be good to attend. I'm surrounded by family and friends but I'm all alone in my head half the time. Feel the same about that f-ing bus!

Am not in Dublin but have a great local support service in Cancer Care West.
My husband is terrific-tries to keep the show on the road.Have good friends but I really feel the only people who really understand are people going through the same thing.
Sometimes you feel like you are on a parallel universe to others.

Avril I totally agree, that bus must be very busy. Like that I am a bit of a clean freak and would probably clean the house before the cleaner would come. So I have decided to take a couple of weeks off work recharge my batteries and see how it feels to be at home. Just have to go talk to my bosses now and actually do it. Like that I don't know too many ballet dancers from Offaly either but the kids love their activities and it also tires them out a bit. I have a big age gap between them 5 and 11 and the oldest is a boy and the younger one a girl so all fun. Thanks ladies for the help and support.

I met with a group on Friday that are going to try set up support groups all over Ireland for stage 4 breast cancer and start some kind of advertising campaign to inform people of the reality of the disease. I feel it is at least a start. I am not sure if I can say who they are on this forum but for now just know it is in the pipeline and will be something to look forward to to meet other women locally that have the same issues and hopefully get to meet them in person rather than online. Hope this helps. I am constantly looking for better access to these programs for patients outside of Dublin.

That sounds like a great idea. Also will show how many of US there are. ..We are not alone. New meds means women are living longer. My oncologist says that it is'almost' a chronic disease. I've decided to say that I have chronic breast cancer rather than stage 4! ....can't wait to see people's reactions!

Sounds like a fantastic idea. We don't have any such group[specifically for Stage 4] here in the West.Spoke to a lady in the Irish Cancer Society and know they were hoping to establish such a group.At a recent conference met a lady with Stage 4 for almost 8 years. She was a great character-same issues trying to keep up with treatment, family activities etc..financial issues etc..
Also Evelyn I am gatecrashing younger women with Stage4 group as am not young!
Hope you are keeping well.

Totally agree. I know breastcancer.org had a thread where they tried to encourage as many as possible with Stage4 to tell their stories. Dublin naturally seems to be ahead of the country when it comes to support for Stage 4.Hope you are keeping well and not working too hard!

Good news ladies I will be traveling to Milan in September to a European conference and representing Stage 4 BC patients there. Really looking forward to this. This is on top of a support program that will be rolled out in the midlands in October. Really looking forward to that.