Talking to family and friends

Talking about cancer is often easier said than done. It can be hard to make sense of what is happening to you and how you feel. Here we offer advice on how to talk to your family members and friends and provide some useful tips for communicating.

Your family and friends can support you through your cancer journey in different ways:

• Some family members and friends can offer a listening ear and give you advice if needed.
• Others may gather up-to-date information on cancer to know what you can expect and what you are going through.
• Some may prefer to help you in a practical way with travelling to and from the hospital, with childcare, cooking, shopping or housework.

It may take some time to know which way suits you and your family or friend best.

Talking about your illness with your family or friends can be difficult at first. Most people with cancer find it awkward and embarrassing to discuss. You may also be afraid that you will cry. Do not worry about this, as crying often makes communication much easier. You might also feel that you are burdening them with your worries and concerns. But remember it is important to give your family and friends the chance to talk openly with you. Otherwise, they may worry that you are isolating yourself and feeling lonely. Tell them about what you need, because they will be eager to support you. Knowing that they are always ready to listen and give you help can be reassuring.

Hints and tips for communicating:

• Pick two or three things that you really want to talk about.
• Be honest with your own feelings. Acknowledge any strong emotion you or your listener might have.
• Describe your feelings rather than display them. For example, if you feel angry or resentful.
• Don’t feel guilty about having particular emotions. You are allowed to feel the way you do.
• Do tell the other person how much she or he means to you.
• Don’t be afraid to say you are worried or unsure about the future.
• Hold your friend’s or family member’s hand or hug them. Even sitting together in silence can help.
• Express any regrets in your life, if you have them.

These booklets provide useful tips on how to talk about your feelings and where to find support.

• Who can ever understand (pdf 879KB)
• Lost for Words - How to talk to someone with cancer (pdf 1.46MB)
• The Emotional Effects of Cancer - Caring for people with cancer (pdf 1.59MB)
• Talking to children about cancer (pdf 1.31 MB)
• Caring for Someone with Lung Cancer (pdf 1.41MB)
• A time to care Caring for someone seriously ill at home (pdf 2.71MB)

Call our National Cancer Helpline

Freephone 1800 200 700 to talk to a specialist cancer nurse
It's open Monday-Thursday from 9am to 7pm and Friday from 9am to 5pm